Q2 Quotes Database
#4212
“...Love is a smoke rais'd with the fume of sighs Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers’ eyes. What is it else? A madness most discreet, a choking gall And a preserving sweet.” -- William Shakespeare
“...Love is a smoke rais'd with the fume of sighs Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers’ eyes. What is it else? A madness most discreet, a choking gall And a preserving sweet.” -- William Shakespeare
#3532
People are the only animals who eat themselves to death. -- Anonymous
People are the only animals who eat themselves to death. -- Anonymous
#8595
“Do you realize how many children suffer when they get noodles up their noses? Ramen! It's dangerous.” -- Tab
“Do you realize how many children suffer when they get noodles up their noses? Ramen! It's dangerous.” -- Tab
#8717
If your lips are extended beyond your nose then you are about to do something rude. -- Scott Adams
If your lips are extended beyond your nose then you are about to do something rude. -- Scott Adams
#10619
Rabbits clinkity, clinkity, clink. Hello Mr. Zebra can i have your sweater cause its cold cold cold in my hole hole hole. -- Guess Who
Rabbits clinkity, clinkity, clink. Hello Mr. Zebra can i have your sweater cause its cold cold cold in my hole hole hole. -- Guess Who
#6650
Do not meddle in the affairs of troff, for it is subtle and quick to anger.
Do not meddle in the affairs of troff, for it is subtle and quick to anger.
#3929
All art is an individual's expression of a culture. Cultures differ, so art looks different. -- Henry Glassie
All art is an individual's expression of a culture. Cultures differ, so art looks different. -- Henry Glassie
#4349
“I am the evil Anti-Garth!” -- Ellie, wearing the photo-negative version of Garth Brooks's outfit in the video for “The Red Strokes”
“I am the evil Anti-Garth!” -- Ellie, wearing the photo-negative version of Garth Brooks's outfit in the video for “The Red Strokes”
#11165
To me the most important thing is the sense of going on. You know how beautiful things are when you're traveling. -- Edward Hopper
To me the most important thing is the sense of going on. You know how beautiful things are when you're traveling. -- Edward Hopper
#9702
One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
#11236
“He who knows only his own side of the case, knows little of that.” -- John Stuart Mill
“He who knows only his own side of the case, knows little of that.” -- John Stuart Mill
#1572
They wrote in the old days that it is sweet and fitting to die for one's country. But in modern war, there is nothing sweet nor fitting in your dying. You will die like a dog for no good reason. -- Ernest Hemmingway
They wrote in the old days that it is sweet and fitting to die for one's country. But in modern war, there is nothing sweet nor fitting in your dying. You will die like a dog for no good reason. -- Ernest Hemmingway
#2663
Love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant. -- Anonymous
Love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant. -- Anonymous
#8251
Forgive and forget. -- Cervantes
Forgive and forget. -- Cervantes
#3691
“The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.” -- W. Somerset Maugham
“The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.” -- W. Somerset Maugham
#5401
“Sarah Brightman couldn't act scared on the New York subway at 4 o'clock in the morning.” -- Joel Segal
“Sarah Brightman couldn't act scared on the New York subway at 4 o'clock in the morning.” -- Joel Segal
#3544
“I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement.” -- Oscar Wilde
“I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement.” -- Oscar Wilde
#7297
If we do not maintain Justice, Justice will not maintain us. -- Francis Bacon
If we do not maintain Justice, Justice will not maintain us. -- Francis Bacon
#7695
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all. -- Anonymous
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all. -- Anonymous
#9848
“Drive in banks were established so most of the cars today can see their real owners.” -- E. Joseph Cossman
“Drive in banks were established so most of the cars today can see their real owners.” -- E. Joseph Cossman
#3099
“The kind of man who wants the government to adopt and enforce his ideas is always the kind of man whose ideas are idiotic.” -- H.L. Mencken
“The kind of man who wants the government to adopt and enforce his ideas is always the kind of man whose ideas are idiotic.” -- H.L. Mencken
#458
“Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.” -- Mark Twain
“Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.” -- Mark Twain
#3827
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
#3254
“I have Scary Spice hair!” -- Ellie
“I have Scary Spice hair!” -- Ellie
#10300
“To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.” -- Quentin Crisp
“To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.” -- Quentin Crisp
#10974
May you live in uninteresting times. -- Chinese proverb
May you live in uninteresting times. -- Chinese proverb
#10022
“The right to be let alone is indeed the beginning of all freedom.” -- Supreme Court Justice William Orville Douglas
“The right to be let alone is indeed the beginning of all freedom.” -- Supreme Court Justice William Orville Douglas
#11333
Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate and captain of your soul.
Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate and captain of your soul.
#5483
Goldenstern's Rules: 1. Always hire a rich attorney 2. Never buy from a rich salesman.
Goldenstern's Rules: 1. Always hire a rich attorney 2. Never buy from a rich salesman.
#7053
“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order.” -- Brian Pickrell
“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order.” -- Brian Pickrell
#8628
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. -- Woody Allen
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. -- Woody Allen
#11110
I enjoy the time that we spend together.
I enjoy the time that we spend together.
#2355
“My work is done. Why wait?” -- George Eastman - US inventor and industrialist - Suicide note
“My work is done. Why wait?” -- George Eastman - US inventor and industrialist - Suicide note
#8011
Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of. -- Anonymous
Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of. -- Anonymous
#3931
It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small. -- Neil Armstrong
It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small. -- Neil Armstrong
#10105
Lord help my poor soul. -- Edgar Allan Poe
Lord help my poor soul. -- Edgar Allan Poe
#6910
“Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life.” -- Andrew Brown
“Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life.” -- Andrew Brown
#1808
“Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor?” “It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?” -- MacNelley, “Shoe”
“Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor?” “It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?” -- MacNelley, “Shoe”
#7206
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. -- Bill Watterson, in his comic strip Calvin and Hobbes
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. -- Bill Watterson, in his comic strip Calvin and Hobbes
#6581
Boneless beef bottom sirloin butt-ball tips!!! -- in big letters on a cardboard box found along the railroad tracks.
Boneless beef bottom sirloin butt-ball tips!!! -- in big letters on a cardboard box found along the railroad tracks.
#6437
Is this the end of everything? Fifteen minutes later and oh, how I've changed. -- Rainer Maria Rilke
Is this the end of everything? Fifteen minutes later and oh, how I've changed. -- Rainer Maria Rilke
#3495
“These are DARK TIMES for all mankind's HIGHEST VALUES!” “These are DARK TIMES for FREEDOM and PROSPERITY!” “These are GREAT TIMES to put your money on BAD GUY to kick the CRAP out of MEGATON MAN!”
“These are DARK TIMES for all mankind's HIGHEST VALUES!” “These are DARK TIMES for FREEDOM and PROSPERITY!” “These are GREAT TIMES to put your money on BAD GUY to kick the CRAP out of MEGATON MAN!”
#317
Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most. -- Dostoyevsky
Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most. -- Dostoyevsky
#10034
Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. the foundation of such a method is love. -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. the foundation of such a method is love. -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
#6579
If the human body's obscene, complain to the manufacturer, not me -- Larry Flynt
If the human body's obscene, complain to the manufacturer, not me -- Larry Flynt
#5994
Imagination is more important than knowledge, for knowledge is limited while imagination embraces the entire world. -- Albert Einstein
Imagination is more important than knowledge, for knowledge is limited while imagination embraces the entire world. -- Albert Einstein
#10143
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
#11218
“The believer is happy; the doubter is wise.” -- Hungarian proverb
“The believer is happy; the doubter is wise.” -- Hungarian proverb
#2598
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. -- Charlie McCarthy
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. -- Charlie McCarthy
#7840
“No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.” -- Aristotle
“No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.” -- Aristotle
#6816
“Hi, I'm Jason, and I've only had sex with a few sheep” -- Jason McCartney “Hi, I'm Mike, and I'm his roommate” -- Mike Martin
“Hi, I'm Jason, and I've only had sex with a few sheep” -- Jason McCartney “Hi, I'm Mike, and I'm his roommate” -- Mike Martin
#2204
“It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.” -- Voltaire
“It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.” -- Voltaire
#10256
“Outside every girl there is a fat man trying to get in.” -- Katherine Whitehorn - British journalist
“Outside every girl there is a fat man trying to get in.” -- Katherine Whitehorn - British journalist
#10878
“If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.” -- Albert Einstein
“If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.” -- Albert Einstein
#8870
What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
#9283
When you're ready to give up the struggle, who can you surrender to?
When you're ready to give up the struggle, who can you surrender to?
#5521
Your fortune stateth: You will have a long and boring life.
Your fortune stateth: You will have a long and boring life.
#1271
Go on, get out - last words are for fools who haven't said enough. -- Karl Marx
Go on, get out - last words are for fools who haven't said enough. -- Karl Marx
#2830
“Never judge a book by its movie.” -- J.W. Eagan
“Never judge a book by its movie.” -- J.W. Eagan
#4765
Screw God, I'm worshipping Jill. -- Shelby
Screw God, I'm worshipping Jill. -- Shelby
#4450
In fact, whatever exists in the universe, in essence, in appearance, in the imagination, the painter has first in his mind and then in his hands - it lies in his power to create them... -- Leonardo Da Vinci
In fact, whatever exists in the universe, in essence, in appearance, in the imagination, the painter has first in his mind and then in his hands - it lies in his power to create them... -- Leonardo Da Vinci
#6886
KNEE-JERK IRONY: The tendency to make flippant ironic comments as a reflexive matter of course in everyday conversation. -- Douglas Coupland
KNEE-JERK IRONY: The tendency to make flippant ironic comments as a reflexive matter of course in everyday conversation. -- Douglas Coupland
#2674
Chemicals, n.: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
Chemicals, n.: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
#8264
“The disappearance of a sense of responsibility is the most far-reaching consequence of submission to authority.” -- Stanley Milgram
“The disappearance of a sense of responsibility is the most far-reaching consequence of submission to authority.” -- Stanley Milgram
#2459
“Everything should be made a simple as possible, but not simpler.” -- Albert Einstein
“Everything should be made a simple as possible, but not simpler.” -- Albert Einstein
#7515
A la pointe de mon pinceau, il m'arrive - je vis pour ces moments-la - d'inventer un trait. Douceur, partage : reconnaitre un trait ! -- Alechinsky
A la pointe de mon pinceau, il m'arrive - je vis pour ces moments-la - d'inventer un trait. Douceur, partage : reconnaitre un trait ! -- Alechinsky
#9368
OZMOSIS: The inability of one's job to live up to one's self-image. -- Douglas Coupland
OZMOSIS: The inability of one's job to live up to one's self-image. -- Douglas Coupland
#8199
What luck for the rulers that men do not think. -- Adolf Hitler
What luck for the rulers that men do not think. -- Adolf Hitler
#11170
The lover knows much more about absolute good and universal beauty than any logician or theologian, unless the latter, too, be lovers in disguise. -- George Santayana
The lover knows much more about absolute good and universal beauty than any logician or theologian, unless the latter, too, be lovers in disguise. -- George Santayana
#10991
“I feel more like myself now than I did when I came in.” -- Connie
“I feel more like myself now than I did when I came in.” -- Connie
#11285
“I'm just waiting for my cheap sex toy to show up.” -- Helen
“I'm just waiting for my cheap sex toy to show up.” -- Helen
#3732
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--- -- John B. Sedgwick, general, dying words, 1864
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--- -- John B. Sedgwick, general, dying words, 1864
#891
If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
#3688
“‘Home, sweet home’ must surely have been written by a bachelor.” -- Samuel Butler
“‘Home, sweet home’ must surely have been written by a bachelor.” -- Samuel Butler
#7717
“I get it every year. It's called Congenital Seasonal Fahrvegnugen.” -- Jen, describing her deep-seated need for a convertible, circa spring of 1995.
“I get it every year. It's called Congenital Seasonal Fahrvegnugen.” -- Jen, describing her deep-seated need for a convertible, circa spring of 1995.
#250
There are children playing in the street who could solve some of my top problems in physics, because they have modes of sensory perception that I lost long ago. -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
There are children playing in the street who could solve some of my top problems in physics, because they have modes of sensory perception that I lost long ago. -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
#10196
“When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said, ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’” -- Steven Wright
“When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said, ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’” -- Steven Wright
#2111
The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively. -- Peter Beard
The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively. -- Peter Beard
#5766
“Substitute “damn” every time you're inclined to write “very”; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” -- Mark Twain
“Substitute “damn” every time you're inclined to write “very”; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” -- Mark Twain
#6095
Mr. Goldenberg (teacher): Well, today's my thirty-first birthday... Danielle (student): Really? What's it like to be old? Mr. Goldenberg: I'll tell you when I get there. What's it like to be stupid?
Mr. Goldenberg (teacher): Well, today's my thirty-first birthday... Danielle (student): Really? What's it like to be old? Mr. Goldenberg: I'll tell you when I get there. What's it like to be stupid?
#160
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. -- P. J. O'Rourke
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. -- P. J. O'Rourke
#3300
Jess playing a game trying to describe a word that she doesn't know: Jess: Horses wear them!!!!! (The word was Girdle)
Jess playing a game trying to describe a word that she doesn't know: Jess: Horses wear them!!!!! (The word was Girdle)
#6182
You would think that pot had some kind of power; I mean come on, it's a plant, not a reason for living. Controlled by a plant, how hilarious. A plant! A fucking plant! -- Henry Rollins
You would think that pot had some kind of power; I mean come on, it's a plant, not a reason for living. Controlled by a plant, how hilarious. A plant! A fucking plant! -- Henry Rollins
#9542
Life is a disease, sexually transmitted and fatal. -- Neil Gaiman
Life is a disease, sexually transmitted and fatal. -- Neil Gaiman
#3809
Me: “Gross! My coat's covered with snot!” Missy: “And slobber. Mine too.”
Me: “Gross! My coat's covered with snot!” Missy: “And slobber. Mine too.”
#344
QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not. -- Ambrose Bierce
QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not. -- Ambrose Bierce
#4291
“Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.” -- Woody Allen
“Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.” -- Woody Allen
#6376
“Brevity is the soul of lingerie.” -- Dorothy Parker
“Brevity is the soul of lingerie.” -- Dorothy Parker
#5647
Dort, wo man Bucher verbrennt, verbrennt man am Ende auch Menschen. (Where they have burned books, they will end in burning human beings.) -- Heinrich Heine, “Almansor (1821)”
Dort, wo man Bucher verbrennt, verbrennt man am Ende auch Menschen. (Where they have burned books, they will end in burning human beings.) -- Heinrich Heine, “Almansor (1821)”
#2715
Your fortune stateth: Are you a turtle?
Your fortune stateth: Are you a turtle?
#11490
“Oh, I don't have the discipline to be a hippie” -- Homer
“Oh, I don't have the discipline to be a hippie” -- Homer
#8990
“Like all dreamers, I mistook disenchantment for truth.” -- Jean-Paul Sartre
“Like all dreamers, I mistook disenchantment for truth.” -- Jean-Paul Sartre
#43
Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid. -- Frank Zappa
Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid. -- Frank Zappa
#1125
“It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.” -- Arthur C. Clarke
“It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.” -- Arthur C. Clarke
#3131
Lost and Found. Lost wife and dog. Reward for Dog! -- Screach
Lost and Found. Lost wife and dog. Reward for Dog! -- Screach
#7070
“I can't believe the blithering idiocy of some people in this world. He is nothing but a carbon-based life form.” -- Nikki, a little drunk and pissed about her ex-boyfriend.
“I can't believe the blithering idiocy of some people in this world. He is nothing but a carbon-based life form.” -- Nikki, a little drunk and pissed about her ex-boyfriend.
#4155
“Beware of gassy roommates who are synchronized.” -- written on D and TJ's dorm room door after a night of burritos.
“Beware of gassy roommates who are synchronized.” -- written on D and TJ's dorm room door after a night of burritos.
#6941
“The murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.” -- Peter De Vries
“The murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.” -- Peter De Vries
#281
Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never. -- Charles Caleb Colton
Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never. -- Charles Caleb Colton
#9187
Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb: Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a hammer or get a splinter in it.
Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb: Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a hammer or get a splinter in it.