Q2 Quotes Database
#8994
“I fell in a lake?” -- Paul T. Baker, when told about what he did while he was drunk
“I fell in a lake?” -- Paul T. Baker, when told about what he did while he was drunk
#2392
“Jeez, Sarah? You're NOT gonna die.... and if you do, there'll be more room in the car.” -- Jennifer, upon getting terribly frustrated with her friend Sarah's melodramatic nature.
“Jeez, Sarah? You're NOT gonna die.... and if you do, there'll be more room in the car.” -- Jennifer, upon getting terribly frustrated with her friend Sarah's melodramatic nature.
#3666
I was sleeping peacefully, talking to Rando. -- Cher
I was sleeping peacefully, talking to Rando. -- Cher
#6289
Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little. XXXX I AM HERE
Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little. XXXX I AM HERE
#2445
Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
#5809
Better tried by twelve than carried by six. -- Jeff Cooper
Better tried by twelve than carried by six. -- Jeff Cooper
#3316
Power, n: The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.
Power, n: The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.
#9250
Beth: Do you have any old clothes you want to sell in our yard sale? Jennifer: No...my mom gave all my old clothes to the stupid needy!
Beth: Do you have any old clothes you want to sell in our yard sale? Jennifer: No...my mom gave all my old clothes to the stupid needy!
#73
Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. -- T. S. Eliot
Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. -- T. S. Eliot
#56
A new supply of round tuits has arrived and are available from Mary. Anyone who has been putting off work until they got a “round tuit” now has no excuse for further procrastination.
A new supply of round tuits has arrived and are available from Mary. Anyone who has been putting off work until they got a “round tuit” now has no excuse for further procrastination.
#4937
Your fortune stateth: Go to a movie tonight. Darkness becomes you.
Your fortune stateth: Go to a movie tonight. Darkness becomes you.
#1075
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end. -- Igor Stravinsky
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end. -- Igor Stravinsky
#8980
I've been going to this school for 7 years. I'm no dummy. -- Better Off Dead
I've been going to this school for 7 years. I'm no dummy. -- Better Off Dead
#551
My night has become a sunny dawn because of you. -- Inb Abbad
My night has become a sunny dawn because of you. -- Inb Abbad
#5514
OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury. -- Ambrose Bierce
OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury. -- Ambrose Bierce
#10126
Your fortune stateth: Bridge ahead. Pay troll.
Your fortune stateth: Bridge ahead. Pay troll.
#5463
“A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought.” -- Dorothy Leigh Sayers
“A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought.” -- Dorothy Leigh Sayers
#3926
One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
#7344
You never know what you never know if you never know it. -- MoJo
You never know what you never know if you never know it. -- MoJo
#10858
Joyce: How was your Christmas? Me: It was okay, There was one thing that I wanted that I didn't get. Joyce: What was that? Me: Sex. Joyce: I don't think Santa Claus could help you with that one. Me: No, but Mrs. Claus can!
Joyce: How was your Christmas? Me: It was okay, There was one thing that I wanted that I didn't get. Joyce: What was that? Me: Sex. Joyce: I don't think Santa Claus could help you with that one. Me: No, but Mrs. Claus can!
#10764
Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards. -- Aldous Huxley
Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards. -- Aldous Huxley
#8055
Every cripple has his own way of walking. -- Brendan Behan
Every cripple has his own way of walking. -- Brendan Behan
#8158
There is nothing more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of an ether binge -- Hunter S. Thompson
There is nothing more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of an ether binge -- Hunter S. Thompson
#1103
You know, art is the reason i get up in the morning, but my definition ends there, it doesn't seem fair that im living for something i can't even define, and there you are right there in the mean time. -- Ani Difranco
You know, art is the reason i get up in the morning, but my definition ends there, it doesn't seem fair that im living for something i can't even define, and there you are right there in the mean time. -- Ani Difranco
#3873
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
#2748
Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. -- Bellamy Brooks
Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. -- Bellamy Brooks
#9336
“My father was a minister. I had to make up for the lack of sin.” -- Milwuakee mayor, on why he became a politician
“My father was a minister. I had to make up for the lack of sin.” -- Milwuakee mayor, on why he became a politician
#6343
“The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.” -- Rebecca West
“The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.” -- Rebecca West
#5942
“When you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.” -- Wilson Mizner
“When you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.” -- Wilson Mizner
#7610
Laugh when you can; cry when you must.
Laugh when you can; cry when you must.
#10802
“I don't like to drool. I do like to talk with my mouth full. That's my favorite thing.” -- Julie
“I don't like to drool. I do like to talk with my mouth full. That's my favorite thing.” -- Julie
#1837
Josh (confused): Are you on drugs or something? Allyson (laughing hysterically for no apparent reason): Nope! Don't need ‘em!
Josh (confused): Are you on drugs or something? Allyson (laughing hysterically for no apparent reason): Nope! Don't need ‘em!
#3181
A man with one watch knows what time it is.
A man with one watch knows what time it is.
#9442
Yes, because they're arbitrary, except in the way that they're not arbitrary, for no reason at all. -- Matt, very sincerely.
Yes, because they're arbitrary, except in the way that they're not arbitrary, for no reason at all. -- Matt, very sincerely.
#6762
“So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.” -- Bertrand Russell
“So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.” -- Bertrand Russell
#2230
Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
#11104
The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
#7226
“He is like a bull in a china cabinet.” -- Shannon
“He is like a bull in a china cabinet.” -- Shannon
#6174
A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
#10216
How is it that little children are so intelligent and men so stupid? It must be education that does it. -- Alexandre Dumas fils
How is it that little children are so intelligent and men so stupid? It must be education that does it. -- Alexandre Dumas fils
#3361
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. -- Anonymous
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. -- Anonymous
#5049
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
#1808
“Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor?” “It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?” -- MacNelley, “Shoe”
“Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor?” “It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?” -- MacNelley, “Shoe”
#4239
Each person was to himself one alone. One oneness, a unit in a society, but always afraid, always alone. If I should scream, if i should call for help, would anyone hear... would it even matter? -- Ray Bradbury, “Dandelion Wine”
Each person was to himself one alone. One oneness, a unit in a society, but always afraid, always alone. If I should scream, if i should call for help, would anyone hear... would it even matter? -- Ray Bradbury, “Dandelion Wine”
#6404
But why think about that when all the golden land's ahead of you and all kinds of unforeseen events wait lurking to surprise you and make you glad you're alive to see? -- Jack Kerouac
But why think about that when all the golden land's ahead of you and all kinds of unforeseen events wait lurking to surprise you and make you glad you're alive to see? -- Jack Kerouac
#768
Hey, nice baby. Want another one? -- Ed Dusseault, on seeing an attractive mother
Hey, nice baby. Want another one? -- Ed Dusseault, on seeing an attractive mother
#2022
Cave Guide: And this mound of bat guano is over 200 years old! My Wife: Where does bat guano come from?
Cave Guide: And this mound of bat guano is over 200 years old! My Wife: Where does bat guano come from?
#5603
If you drag me into any stores that sell anything purple and fuzzy, I'm getting one of the mall cops to beat you. -- Mark V.
If you drag me into any stores that sell anything purple and fuzzy, I'm getting one of the mall cops to beat you. -- Mark V.
#6566
You'll never catch me walking down the street carrying the head of a snowman! -- Karen
You'll never catch me walking down the street carrying the head of a snowman! -- Karen
#8774
Well, MY smiles are a buck a piece. -- the waitress at McDonald's, after hearing me read the “Smiles are Free” sign on the menu out loud.
Well, MY smiles are a buck a piece. -- the waitress at McDonald's, after hearing me read the “Smiles are Free” sign on the menu out loud.
#819
Your fortune stateth: Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
Your fortune stateth: Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
#4156
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
#8786
“There ought to be at least one round state.” -- Gabriella
“There ought to be at least one round state.” -- Gabriella
#6153
God favors no group. Only religions do that. -- Bumper Sticker
God favors no group. Only religions do that. -- Bumper Sticker
#4750
Your fortune stateth: Chess tonight.
Your fortune stateth: Chess tonight.
#9884
“Becca's head looks like a turnip. And I've known her for eight years.” -- Amanda
“Becca's head looks like a turnip. And I've known her for eight years.” -- Amanda
#372
Do you have a text? do you use it? -- Actual comment from the prof on my friend's Art History exam
Do you have a text? do you use it? -- Actual comment from the prof on my friend's Art History exam
#9982
Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it. -- Terry Pratchett, “Reaper Man”
Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it. -- Terry Pratchett, “Reaper Man”
#9993
Lunatic Asylum, n.: The place where optimism most flourishes.
Lunatic Asylum, n.: The place where optimism most flourishes.
#3521
And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said “There is my creation, perfect in every way... oh, dammit I left pot all over the place. Now they'll think I want them to smoke it... Now I have to create republicans.” -- Bill Hicks
And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said “There is my creation, perfect in every way... oh, dammit I left pot all over the place. Now they'll think I want them to smoke it... Now I have to create republicans.” -- Bill Hicks
#457
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat -- Lewis Carrol
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat -- Lewis Carrol
#8176
I have learned To spell hors d'oeuvres Which still grates on Some people's n'oeuvres. -- Warren Knox
I have learned To spell hors d'oeuvres Which still grates on Some people's n'oeuvres. -- Warren Knox
#4273
“I've heard rumors that you have been tackling hookers on the field.” -- the president of my college, who doesn't know much about rugby.
“I've heard rumors that you have been tackling hookers on the field.” -- the president of my college, who doesn't know much about rugby.
#9577
“The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy, but they were listening in gibberish.” -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
“The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy, but they were listening in gibberish.” -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
#918
Time sure flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Time sure flies when you don't know what you're doing.
#929
“I cannot imagine any condition which would cause this ship to founder. Modern shipbuilding has gone beyond that.” -- E. I. Smith, Captain of the Titanic
“I cannot imagine any condition which would cause this ship to founder. Modern shipbuilding has gone beyond that.” -- E. I. Smith, Captain of the Titanic
#3218
“The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands.” -- Alexander Penney
“The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands.” -- Alexander Penney
#3428
I went into the woods for I wished to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life! To put to rout all that was not life, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. -- Henry David Thoreau
I went into the woods for I wished to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life! To put to rout all that was not life, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. -- Henry David Thoreau
#7543
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. -- Albert Einstein
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. -- Albert Einstein
#11150
...Modern psychiatry has yet to convincingly prove the genetic/biologic cause of any single mental illness. -- David Kaiser
...Modern psychiatry has yet to convincingly prove the genetic/biologic cause of any single mental illness. -- David Kaiser
#11345
Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea. -- Anonymous
Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea. -- Anonymous
#3327
It is some compensation for great evils that they enforce great lessons. -- John Christian Bovee
It is some compensation for great evils that they enforce great lessons. -- John Christian Bovee
#2187
It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure. -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure. -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
#4019
“Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense.” -- Mark A. Overby
“Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense.” -- Mark A. Overby
#5816
“We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed without them in Red Storm Rising.” -- Senator Dan Quayle
“We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed without them in Red Storm Rising.” -- Senator Dan Quayle
#2827
Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm. -- Roy Mengot
Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm. -- Roy Mengot
#2035
“Hoover, if elected, will do one thing that is almost incomprehensible to the human mind: he will make a great man out of Coolidge.” -- Clarence Darrow - remarking during the 1932 presidential campaign.
“Hoover, if elected, will do one thing that is almost incomprehensible to the human mind: he will make a great man out of Coolidge.” -- Clarence Darrow - remarking during the 1932 presidential campaign.
#3202
There are few things as precious as our emotions, and those so ignorant to play with them are at a complete loss of any good you might have to offer. -- Anonymous
There are few things as precious as our emotions, and those so ignorant to play with them are at a complete loss of any good you might have to offer. -- Anonymous
#3080
Reality -- what a concept! -- Robin Williams
Reality -- what a concept! -- Robin Williams
#1403
While looking at high school homecoming pictures: Melissa: Wow Lex! You look like a prom queen or something! Alexis: I looked like a frog queen? Gee, thanks a lot! Melissa: No, prom queen! Prom queen! Alexis: You don't have to get mean about it.
While looking at high school homecoming pictures: Melissa: Wow Lex! You look like a prom queen or something! Alexis: I looked like a frog queen? Gee, thanks a lot! Melissa: No, prom queen! Prom queen! Alexis: You don't have to get mean about it.
#1525
In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls. -- Lenny Bruce
In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls. -- Lenny Bruce
#10323
I believe the game is designed to reward the ones who hit the hardest. If you can't take it, you shouldn't play -- Jack Lambert
I believe the game is designed to reward the ones who hit the hardest. If you can't take it, you shouldn't play -- Jack Lambert
#9566
“Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.” -- Russell Baker
“Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.” -- Russell Baker
#9059
Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] or [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.] -- Aelius Donatus
Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] or [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.] -- Aelius Donatus
#4274
“Dont tell me you wouldn't hate Grease even after hearing your Aunt practice ‘Hopelessly Devoted to You’ every day for five weeks straight.” -- Jason Holliman
“Dont tell me you wouldn't hate Grease even after hearing your Aunt practice ‘Hopelessly Devoted to You’ every day for five weeks straight.” -- Jason Holliman
#52
Name's Barf. I'm a Mog, half man half dog. I'm my own best friend -- Spaceballs
Name's Barf. I'm a Mog, half man half dog. I'm my own best friend -- Spaceballs
#8141
It is always right that a man should be able to render a reason for the faith that is within him. -- Sydney Smith
It is always right that a man should be able to render a reason for the faith that is within him. -- Sydney Smith
#3097
When suffering knocks at your door and you say there is no seat for him, he tells you not to worry because he has brought his own stool. -- Chinua Achebe
When suffering knocks at your door and you say there is no seat for him, he tells you not to worry because he has brought his own stool. -- Chinua Achebe
#2759
Computer programmers do it byte by byte
Computer programmers do it byte by byte
#5254
“Yeah, well, if I let you get too cocky, you might grow your spine back.” -- Lastene to her boyfriend.
“Yeah, well, if I let you get too cocky, you might grow your spine back.” -- Lastene to her boyfriend.
#939
“I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really do melt in your hand...” -- Peter Oakley
“I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really do melt in your hand...” -- Peter Oakley
#1322
People may or may not say what they mean ... but they always say something designed to get what they want. -- David Mamet
People may or may not say what they mean ... but they always say something designed to get what they want. -- David Mamet
#6067
Your fortune stateth: You had some happiness once, but your parents moved away, and you had to leave it behind.
Your fortune stateth: You had some happiness once, but your parents moved away, and you had to leave it behind.
#7730
Alaska is our biggest, buggiest, boggiest state. Texas remains our largest unfrozen state. But mountainous Utah, if ironed out flat, would take up more space on a map than either. -- Edward Abbey
Alaska is our biggest, buggiest, boggiest state. Texas remains our largest unfrozen state. But mountainous Utah, if ironed out flat, would take up more space on a map than either. -- Edward Abbey
#9584
Love may conquer all, but it needs time as its field general. -- Anonymous
Love may conquer all, but it needs time as its field general. -- Anonymous
#9572
“I would hate to have a god named Waldo.” -- Nafees Bin Zafar after spending 100 minutes studying Ralph Waldo Emerson and Transcendentalism.
“I would hate to have a god named Waldo.” -- Nafees Bin Zafar after spending 100 minutes studying Ralph Waldo Emerson and Transcendentalism.
#8716
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
#136
Jazz is My Adventure -- Thelonius Monk
Jazz is My Adventure -- Thelonius Monk
#2549
Charitably... I think... sometimes, perhaps , one must change or die. And, in the end,there were,perhaps limits to how much he could let himself change. -- Neil Gaiman
Charitably... I think... sometimes, perhaps , one must change or die. And, in the end,there were,perhaps limits to how much he could let himself change. -- Neil Gaiman
#5087
Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing. -- Vince Lombardi
Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing. -- Vince Lombardi
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