Q2 Quotes Database
#98
Excellent time to become a missing person.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
#10453
I still believe in liberalism today as much as I ever did, but, oh, there was a happy time when I believed in liberals... -- G. K. Chesterton
I still believe in liberalism today as much as I ever did, but, oh, there was a happy time when I believed in liberals... -- G. K. Chesterton
#7745
Your fortune stateth: Your business will assume vast proportions.
Your fortune stateth: Your business will assume vast proportions.
#8282
Here i am, getting older all the time, looking older all the time, feeling younger in my mind -- Goldfinger
Here i am, getting older all the time, looking older all the time, feeling younger in my mind -- Goldfinger
#702
Throw my thoughts into the breeze one last time and watch them float away in waves of relief. Tomorrow...... I shall never think again for the burden is too much to bear. -- Jamie Stem
Throw my thoughts into the breeze one last time and watch them float away in waves of relief. Tomorrow...... I shall never think again for the burden is too much to bear. -- Jamie Stem
#10829
If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. -- Albert Einstein
If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. -- Albert Einstein
#9710
“Can anyone explain why Matthew's head is radioactive?” -- Mr. Jones, GSCE Chemistry
“Can anyone explain why Matthew's head is radioactive?” -- Mr. Jones, GSCE Chemistry
#8713
Go for it now. The future is promised to no one. -- Wayne Dyer
Go for it now. The future is promised to no one. -- Wayne Dyer
#10020
“Chaos is the score upon which reality is written.” -- Henry Miller
“Chaos is the score upon which reality is written.” -- Henry Miller
#4918
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
#3856
PRAY, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. -- Ambrose Bierce
PRAY, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. -- Ambrose Bierce
#11432
Blue paint today. [Funny to Jack Slingwine, Guy Harris and Hal Pierson. Ed.]
Blue paint today. [Funny to Jack Slingwine, Guy Harris and Hal Pierson. Ed.]
#1232
“Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.” -- H.L. Mencken
“Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.” -- H.L. Mencken
#8703
While we were moving: Dennis: Jesus, what's in here, bricks? My dad, looking at the box: Um, yeah. (And there actually were. We'd been moving them from house to house for almost 20 years!)
While we were moving: Dennis: Jesus, what's in here, bricks? My dad, looking at the box: Um, yeah. (And there actually were. We'd been moving them from house to house for almost 20 years!)
#9943
“Yeah, I look at it once in a while, but it's not like I have a prescription or anything...” -- Tom, when asked if he reads Playboy.
“Yeah, I look at it once in a while, but it's not like I have a prescription or anything...” -- Tom, when asked if he reads Playboy.
#8802
I would have made a good Pope. -- Richard Nixon, U.S. President
I would have made a good Pope. -- Richard Nixon, U.S. President
#7761
SELFISH, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others. -- Ambrose Bierce
SELFISH, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others. -- Ambrose Bierce
#10540
“If you do not show me your armpit, I will flip you off!” -- My Russian friend Masha, showing off her new English vocab.
“If you do not show me your armpit, I will flip you off!” -- My Russian friend Masha, showing off her new English vocab.
#1485
“There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.” -- Billy Joel
“There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.” -- Billy Joel
#6821
The fate of love is that it always seems too little or too much. -- Anonymous
The fate of love is that it always seems too little or too much. -- Anonymous
#7496
“A PI is like paying cover charge to the city.” -- Thunder Denton, about being charged with public intoxication.
“A PI is like paying cover charge to the city.” -- Thunder Denton, about being charged with public intoxication.
#6914
Sometimes, all you can do is just lie there and take it. -- Emily, fed up with the teasing about her extra-large feet.
Sometimes, all you can do is just lie there and take it. -- Emily, fed up with the teasing about her extra-large feet.
#6947
Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well. -- Aristotle
Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well. -- Aristotle
#5234
“Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.” -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
“Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.” -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
#7342
Blame Saint Andreas -- it's all his fault.
Blame Saint Andreas -- it's all his fault.
#10145
“I must be getting old, I understood what Bob Dylan was saying.” -- Jimmy
“I must be getting old, I understood what Bob Dylan was saying.” -- Jimmy
#1354
Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. -- Albert Einstein
Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. -- Albert Einstein
#9532
If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
#3233
Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases. -- Anonymous
Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases. -- Anonymous
#10936
“Church is only society on earth that exists for the benefit of non-members.” -- William Temple
“Church is only society on earth that exists for the benefit of non-members.” -- William Temple
#10880
“You know, if it weren't for the alcohol, beer would be a health food.” -- Chuck
“You know, if it weren't for the alcohol, beer would be a health food.” -- Chuck
#7795
“The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.” -- attributed to Albert Einstein
“The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.” -- attributed to Albert Einstein
#2800
“Wow, that means we must have set them ten minutes apart from each other.” -- Brianne, discussing the difference between the time shown her watch and that shown on her boyfriend's.
“Wow, that means we must have set them ten minutes apart from each other.” -- Brianne, discussing the difference between the time shown her watch and that shown on her boyfriend's.
#4583
“The chief enemy of creativity is ‘good’ taste.” -- Pablo Picasso
“The chief enemy of creativity is ‘good’ taste.” -- Pablo Picasso
#5457
“I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.” -- A. Whitney Brown
“I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.” -- A. Whitney Brown
#6276
“Innovation is hard to schedule.” -- Dan Fylstra
“Innovation is hard to schedule.” -- Dan Fylstra
#8018
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss -- Lazarus Long, “Time Enough for Love”
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss -- Lazarus Long, “Time Enough for Love”
#10439
“Grub first, then ethics.” -- Bertolt Brecht
“Grub first, then ethics.” -- Bertolt Brecht
#6963
“What's another word for ‘Thesaurus?’” -- Steven Wright
“What's another word for ‘Thesaurus?’” -- Steven Wright
#6192
Eschew obfuscation.
Eschew obfuscation.
#6636
If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
#11067
Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. -- Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil's Dictionary”
Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. -- Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil's Dictionary”
#11036
Nice guys finish last. -- Leo Durocher
Nice guys finish last. -- Leo Durocher
#10011
If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it. -- Anonymous
If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it. -- Anonymous
#7534
“Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.” -- T. S. Eliot
“Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.” -- T. S. Eliot
#9472
I will not forget you.
I will not forget you.
#2430
Whether you can hear it or not The Universe is laughing behind your back -- National Lampoon, “Deteriorada”
Whether you can hear it or not The Universe is laughing behind your back -- National Lampoon, “Deteriorada”
#2692
They see poetry in what I have done. No. I apply my methods, and that is all there is to it. -- Georges Seurat
They see poetry in what I have done. No. I apply my methods, and that is all there is to it. -- Georges Seurat
#5450
The universe was a place of wonders, and only habituation, the anaesthesia of the everday, dulled our sight. -- Salman Rushdie, “The Satanic Verses”
The universe was a place of wonders, and only habituation, the anaesthesia of the everday, dulled our sight. -- Salman Rushdie, “The Satanic Verses”
#7378
“It's the ’POOF, I'm a pedestrian!’ trick.” -- Lars Kellogg-Stedman, explaining bicyclists’ tendency to suddenly stop being a vehicle when the rules become inconvenient.
“It's the ’POOF, I'm a pedestrian!’ trick.” -- Lars Kellogg-Stedman, explaining bicyclists’ tendency to suddenly stop being a vehicle when the rules become inconvenient.
#4139
“When I go to college, I want to be a party girl. I don't want to get drunk to where I don't know what I am doing, just enough to make me walk funny.” -- Tiffany Heilbut, obviously clueless.
“When I go to college, I want to be a party girl. I don't want to get drunk to where I don't know what I am doing, just enough to make me walk funny.” -- Tiffany Heilbut, obviously clueless.
#7391
Art degraded, Imagination denied. -- William Blake
Art degraded, Imagination denied. -- William Blake
#108
Don't laugh, it's not funny it's hysterical! -- Jeff, a CMU student
Don't laugh, it's not funny it's hysterical! -- Jeff, a CMU student
#11342
I'm not in a coma, I'm just bored! -- Gregory Moore
I'm not in a coma, I'm just bored! -- Gregory Moore
#788
“I can't believe we spent forty bucks on beer and french fries” -- Matt, an MTU student, after an afternoon at the bar
“I can't believe we spent forty bucks on beer and french fries” -- Matt, an MTU student, after an afternoon at the bar
#5807
“Que pasa, Sugar-Bear?” -- Jeremy “Stinky” Nicholas
“Que pasa, Sugar-Bear?” -- Jeremy “Stinky” Nicholas
#6478
There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. -- Dr. Who
There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. -- Dr. Who
#2527
I'm astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. -- Woody Allen
I'm astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. -- Woody Allen
#8951
What is drawing? It is working oneself through an invisible iron wall that seems to stand between what one feels and what one can do. -- Vincent van Gogh, “The Letters of Vincent van Gogh to His Brother”
What is drawing? It is working oneself through an invisible iron wall that seems to stand between what one feels and what one can do. -- Vincent van Gogh, “The Letters of Vincent van Gogh to His Brother”
#7156
“Sit down and come over here.” -- Mr. Wittner
“Sit down and come over here.” -- Mr. Wittner
#10708
“The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.” -- Tom Clancy
“The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.” -- Tom Clancy
#6518
“If I had to choose between skim milk and death... I'd choose death.” -- Carol Ann Langton, while pouring whole milk into her afternoon tea
“If I had to choose between skim milk and death... I'd choose death.” -- Carol Ann Langton, while pouring whole milk into her afternoon tea
#3382
“All Bobs must die!! ... Ok, ok, so I have an unhealthy obsession with death. So?” -- Daniel “Fluffy”
“All Bobs must die!! ... Ok, ok, so I have an unhealthy obsession with death. So?” -- Daniel “Fluffy”
#5597
“It was really quiet in my apartment last night. I didn't hear Harold at all, but I'm pretty sure he's still alive.” -- Jen, about the oldest of her many loud neighbors.
“It was really quiet in my apartment last night. I didn't hear Harold at all, but I'm pretty sure he's still alive.” -- Jen, about the oldest of her many loud neighbors.
#689
Genius, n.: A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with “bright”.
Genius, n.: A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with “bright”.
#10667
“Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.” -- Henry Louis Mencken
“Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.” -- Henry Louis Mencken
#8304
The Greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist. -- The Usual Suspects
The Greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist. -- The Usual Suspects
#7762
“Some men rob you with a six-gun -- others with a fountain pen.” -- Woodie Guthrie
“Some men rob you with a six-gun -- others with a fountain pen.” -- Woodie Guthrie
#8807
Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen. -- P. J. O'Rourke
Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen. -- P. J. O'Rourke
#6526
When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail.
When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail.
#6287
Art is a deliberate recreation of a new and special reality that grows from your response to life. It cannot be copied; it must be created. -- Anonymous
Art is a deliberate recreation of a new and special reality that grows from your response to life. It cannot be copied; it must be created. -- Anonymous
#8566
One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.
One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.
#11031
Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by the traffic from both sides. -- Margaret Thatcher
Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by the traffic from both sides. -- Margaret Thatcher
#7605
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. -- Voltaire
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. -- Voltaire
#7111
“If people were any dumber, they couldn't wipe their own butts.” -- Gail, for no reason whatsoever.
“If people were any dumber, they couldn't wipe their own butts.” -- Gail, for no reason whatsoever.
#9901
Your fortune stateth: You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.
Your fortune stateth: You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.
#6060
To be honest, I don't give a rat's a$$ either way, I just want to be part of the promo. -- heard on a local radio station
To be honest, I don't give a rat's a$$ either way, I just want to be part of the promo. -- heard on a local radio station
#9784
Your fortune stateth: You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately, they're not all recommended.
Your fortune stateth: You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately, they're not all recommended.
#9442
Yes, because they're arbitrary, except in the way that they're not arbitrary, for no reason at all. -- Matt, very sincerely.
Yes, because they're arbitrary, except in the way that they're not arbitrary, for no reason at all. -- Matt, very sincerely.
#5390
Cats ARE triangles. -- Paul
Cats ARE triangles. -- Paul
#5223
“Hope is the lease of submission.” -- Raoul Vaneigem
“Hope is the lease of submission.” -- Raoul Vaneigem
#5414
Charity: “What makes kosher pickels ‘kosher’?” Me: “They are just like regular pickels, only a little bit shorter.”
Charity: “What makes kosher pickels ‘kosher’?” Me: “They are just like regular pickels, only a little bit shorter.”
#4002
The price of self-destiny is never cheap, and in certain situations it is unthinkable. But to achieve the marvelous, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought. -- Tom Robbins, “Jitterbug Perfume”
The price of self-destiny is never cheap, and in certain situations it is unthinkable. But to achieve the marvelous, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought. -- Tom Robbins, “Jitterbug Perfume”
#2188
“When you look behind you, you can't see what's in front of you.” -- Jason
“When you look behind you, you can't see what's in front of you.” -- Jason
#9310
Would you like a Hot Pocket? -- Dr. Evil
Would you like a Hot Pocket? -- Dr. Evil
#8834
Accuracy, n.: The vice of being right
Accuracy, n.: The vice of being right
#7456
In India, “cold weather” is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy. -- Mark Twain
In India, “cold weather” is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy. -- Mark Twain
#2212
“The mind unlearns with difficulty what it has long learned.” -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
“The mind unlearns with difficulty what it has long learned.” -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
#829
Why you trippin’?! -- Kate, after Angela tripped over a piece of broken sidewalk.
Why you trippin’?! -- Kate, after Angela tripped over a piece of broken sidewalk.
#6967
Absentee, n.: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction. -- Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil's Dictionary”
Absentee, n.: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction. -- Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil's Dictionary”
#9267
“Heyyyy! Treat that towel with respect!” -- Ellie
“Heyyyy! Treat that towel with respect!” -- Ellie
#2854
The ultimate result of shielding man from the effects of folly is to people the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer
The ultimate result of shielding man from the effects of folly is to people the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer
#11015
It is better never to have been born. But who among us has such luck? One in a million, perhaps.
It is better never to have been born. But who among us has such luck? One in a million, perhaps.
#4876
I think I could sleep better if I could take off my arms and legs. -- Hambone
I think I could sleep better if I could take off my arms and legs. -- Hambone
#6515
President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50% of the vote. In a democracy, that's not called quitting. -- The Washington Post
President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50% of the vote. In a democracy, that's not called quitting. -- The Washington Post
#3193
Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
#8329
Your fortune stateth: An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
Your fortune stateth: An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
#4808
“Laws don't work, unless they merely codify generally accepted behavior, in which case they are probably unnecessary.” -- tom@genie.slhs.udel.edu
“Laws don't work, unless they merely codify generally accepted behavior, in which case they are probably unnecessary.” -- tom@genie.slhs.udel.edu
#708
Proof by accumulated evidence: Long and diligent search has not revealed a counterexample.
Proof by accumulated evidence: Long and diligent search has not revealed a counterexample.
#5586
“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” -- Walter Bagehot
“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” -- Walter Bagehot
| 
| Check out my portfolio at i.bloople.net. © Brenton Fletcher. Comments? e-mail me: i@bloople.net.