Q2 Quotes Database
#879
One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love. -- Sophocles
One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love. -- Sophocles
#5261
Safety Third.
Safety Third.
#7824
Why is it that wherever I go, the resident idiot heads straight for me? -- Gwynn Thomas
Why is it that wherever I go, the resident idiot heads straight for me? -- Gwynn Thomas
#11142
“I am the winter of your discontent. I am a pithed frog. OK, I can do without the rock-n-roll.”
“I am the winter of your discontent. I am a pithed frog. OK, I can do without the rock-n-roll.”
#5921
“HI. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help tapes as ‘Smoke yourself thin’ and ‘Get some confidence, Stupid!’” -- Troy Mcclure
“HI. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help tapes as ‘Smoke yourself thin’ and ‘Get some confidence, Stupid!’” -- Troy Mcclure
#4796
To be a teacher is to be forever an optimist. -- Philip Bigler
To be a teacher is to be forever an optimist. -- Philip Bigler
#5583
The meek will inherit the earth -- if that's OK with you.
The meek will inherit the earth -- if that's OK with you.
#4314
“F-R-A-G-I-L-E, huh, must be Italian.” -- A Christmas Story
“F-R-A-G-I-L-E, huh, must be Italian.” -- A Christmas Story
#2207
A Law of Computer Programming: Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find the programmers cannot write in English.
A Law of Computer Programming: Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find the programmers cannot write in English.
#3728
With some people solitariness is an escape not from others but from themselves. For they see in the eyes of others only a reflection of themselves. -- Eric Hoffer
With some people solitariness is an escape not from others but from themselves. For they see in the eyes of others only a reflection of themselves. -- Eric Hoffer
#5379
“‘All holy piety in public, and all peeled grapes and self-indulgence in private.’” -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
“‘All holy piety in public, and all peeled grapes and self-indulgence in private.’” -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
#9365
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. -- Voltaire
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. -- Voltaire
#2362
“In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point.” -- Friedrich Nietzsche
“In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point.” -- Friedrich Nietzsche
#3052
I'm killing time, wasting space, and going through a phase.
I'm killing time, wasting space, and going through a phase.
#9167
Buckskin flaps his lips feverishly at the sight of white cubes, unaware that in time, sugar and horses will both become glue. -- David Kerman
Buckskin flaps his lips feverishly at the sight of white cubes, unaware that in time, sugar and horses will both become glue. -- David Kerman
#2028
Your fortune stateth: You will inherit millions of dollars.
Your fortune stateth: You will inherit millions of dollars.
#6376
“Brevity is the soul of lingerie.” -- Dorothy Parker
“Brevity is the soul of lingerie.” -- Dorothy Parker
#9777
Whenever I'm stoned, I always seem to talk with my mouth. -- Jenn, stoned, meaning to explain that she always seems to talk with her hands.
Whenever I'm stoned, I always seem to talk with my mouth. -- Jenn, stoned, meaning to explain that she always seems to talk with her hands.
#8605
Your fortune stateth: Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
Your fortune stateth: Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
#5718
The universe is built on a plan the profound symmetry of which is somehow present in the inner structure of our intellect -- Paul Valery
The universe is built on a plan the profound symmetry of which is somehow present in the inner structure of our intellect -- Paul Valery
#777
Art is made to disturb. Science reassures. There is only one valuable thing in art: the thing you cannot explain. -- G eorges Braque
Art is made to disturb. Science reassures. There is only one valuable thing in art: the thing you cannot explain. -- G eorges Braque
#5244
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. -- Carl Sandburg
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. -- Carl Sandburg
#7803
You won't get ‘i love you baby’ or ‘suck my weewee’ from me; i try to write interesting lyrics. -- Jello Biafra
You won't get ‘i love you baby’ or ‘suck my weewee’ from me; i try to write interesting lyrics. -- Jello Biafra
#6620
You can never lose what you never had. -- Dican
You can never lose what you never had. -- Dican
#7279
My friends, on the other hand, entrenched themselves more solidly in the little ditch of understanding which they had dug for themselves. They died comfortably in their little bed of understanding, to become useful citizens of the world. -- Henry Miller
My friends, on the other hand, entrenched themselves more solidly in the little ditch of understanding which they had dug for themselves. They died comfortably in their little bed of understanding, to become useful citizens of the world. -- Henry Miller
#9061
“Tragedy is if I cut my finger. Comedy is if I walk into an open serwer and die.” -- Mel Brooks
“Tragedy is if I cut my finger. Comedy is if I walk into an open serwer and die.” -- Mel Brooks
#2308
Your fortune stateth: You will be successful in love.
Your fortune stateth: You will be successful in love.
#2268
“shut up slut chew on this mushroom” -- Eminem
“shut up slut chew on this mushroom” -- Eminem
#6934
“They should KILL that f clown!” -- Jaryn Lutkin, upon entering McDonalds
“They should KILL that f clown!” -- Jaryn Lutkin, upon entering McDonalds
#2806
“It's like a graphical user interface without all the little graphicals” -- Tony, tech support instructor at my work when explaining some of the functions of DOS
“It's like a graphical user interface without all the little graphicals” -- Tony, tech support instructor at my work when explaining some of the functions of DOS
#11442
Seduced, shaggy Samson snored. She scissored short. Sorely shorn, Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed, Silently scheming, Sightlessly seeking Some savage, spectacular suicide. -- Stanislaw Lem, “Cyberiad”
Seduced, shaggy Samson snored. She scissored short. Sorely shorn, Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed, Silently scheming, Sightlessly seeking Some savage, spectacular suicide. -- Stanislaw Lem, “Cyberiad”
#1635
Don't hate, it's too big a burden to bear. -- Martin Luther King, Sr.
Don't hate, it's too big a burden to bear. -- Martin Luther King, Sr.
#2026
Your fortune stateth: You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
Your fortune stateth: You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
#6706
“If the shoe fits, it's probably someone else's.” -- Jason Parker
“If the shoe fits, it's probably someone else's.” -- Jason Parker
#4793
Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future. -- Niels Bohr
Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future. -- Niels Bohr
#8214
“Your ass is grass, homie!!” -- Heard coming from the bedroom as my dad played the computer in a particularly thrilling game of chess.
“Your ass is grass, homie!!” -- Heard coming from the bedroom as my dad played the computer in a particularly thrilling game of chess.
#9846
“Irrationally held truths may be more harmful than reasoned errors.” -- Thomas Henry Huxley
“Irrationally held truths may be more harmful than reasoned errors.” -- Thomas Henry Huxley
#5472
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction. -- Janet Reno, Us Attorney General, 02-27-98
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction. -- Janet Reno, Us Attorney General, 02-27-98
#4454
Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
#5474
The price of freedom is eternal vigilance. -- Thomas Jefferson
The price of freedom is eternal vigilance. -- Thomas Jefferson
#8553
Brock: Well ya see... Its a field of sound that gets enhanced with... um... digital thingies. Aaron: Oh... Yeah.
Brock: Well ya see... Its a field of sound that gets enhanced with... um... digital thingies. Aaron: Oh... Yeah.
#9303
I bet a real big problem in Yodeling class is people just coming and yodeling right off the bat. You see, we build to that. -- Jack Handey
I bet a real big problem in Yodeling class is people just coming and yodeling right off the bat. You see, we build to that. -- Jack Handey
#3258
“Without music life would be a mistake.” -- Friedrich Nietzsche
“Without music life would be a mistake.” -- Friedrich Nietzsche
#8408
Egotist, n.: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. -- Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil's Dictionary”
Egotist, n.: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. -- Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil's Dictionary”
#2667
As Zeus said to Narcissus, “Watch yourself.”
As Zeus said to Narcissus, “Watch yourself.”
#10774
Your fortune stateth: Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
Your fortune stateth: Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
#7049
Love is the distance between reality and pain. -- Robyn_hitchcock
Love is the distance between reality and pain. -- Robyn_hitchcock
#1698
Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
#3430
No one would choose a friendless existence on condition of having all the other things in the world. -- Aristotle
No one would choose a friendless existence on condition of having all the other things in the world. -- Aristotle
#9015
APPEAL, v.t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. -- Ambrose Bierce
APPEAL, v.t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. -- Ambrose Bierce
#8151
Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.] -- Gauss
Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.] -- Gauss
#3597
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.
#8744
And communist Russia was doing fine until this Gebronie-Brain [points to picture of Gorbachev] decided to introduce a “little” capitalism and a “little” democracy... -- Mr. Caputo
And communist Russia was doing fine until this Gebronie-Brain [points to picture of Gorbachev] decided to introduce a “little” capitalism and a “little” democracy... -- Mr. Caputo
#8745
“Members rise from CMG (known sometimes in Whitehall as ‘Call Me God’) to KCMG (‘Kindly Call Me God’) to .. the GCMG (‘God Calls Me God’).” -- Anthony Sampson - British writer and journalist - “Anatomy of Britain” Ch. 18.
“Members rise from CMG (known sometimes in Whitehall as ‘Call Me God’) to KCMG (‘Kindly Call Me God’) to .. the GCMG (‘God Calls Me God’).” -- Anthony Sampson - British writer and journalist - “Anatomy of Britain” Ch. 18.
#4387
The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper -- Thomas Jefferson
The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper -- Thomas Jefferson
#8260
ADA, n.: Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in Computing. Useful in sentences like, “We had better develop an ADA awareness.”
ADA, n.: Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in Computing. Useful in sentences like, “We had better develop an ADA awareness.”
#6740
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. -- Elvis Presley
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. -- Elvis Presley
#10961
Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence ... -- Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil's Dictionary”
Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence ... -- Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil's Dictionary”
#9655
Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. Now, if they'd only take a bath ...
Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. Now, if they'd only take a bath ...
#8882
“Super Monkey? ... FUN-BAGS!” -- Eric Fitzpatrick
“Super Monkey? ... FUN-BAGS!” -- Eric Fitzpatrick
#4168
“Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished.” -- Jeremy Bentham
“Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished.” -- Jeremy Bentham
#9127
If I had $250,000 to blow in college, do you know how pimp our room would be? -- Colleen Petros
If I had $250,000 to blow in college, do you know how pimp our room would be? -- Colleen Petros
#3945
Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians. -- A t-shirt
Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians. -- A t-shirt
#4210
Not all who wander are lost. -- JRR Tolkien
Not all who wander are lost. -- JRR Tolkien
#8109
“I'm gonna go take a dip.” “Which one? Erin or Alison?” -- overheard at the pool
“I'm gonna go take a dip.” “Which one? Erin or Alison?” -- overheard at the pool
#5234
“Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.” -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
“Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.” -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
#3741
What color oranges do you have? -- Kathy
What color oranges do you have? -- Kathy
#1210
We regard God as an airman regards his parachute; it's there for emergencies but he hopes he'll never have to use it. -- C.S. Lewis
We regard God as an airman regards his parachute; it's there for emergencies but he hopes he'll never have to use it. -- C.S. Lewis
#1868
“Death, Destruction, and Carnage” ... later that month ... “Death, Destruction, and ... oh forget it.” -- Daniel “Fluffy”
“Death, Destruction, and Carnage” ... later that month ... “Death, Destruction, and ... oh forget it.” -- Daniel “Fluffy”
#5817
“All children are morbid. It is their one saving grace.” -- Truman Capote
“All children are morbid. It is their one saving grace.” -- Truman Capote
#10237
“I totally couldn't see her face, you know, because I'm as blind as a.... blind thing.” -- Sarah G.
“I totally couldn't see her face, you know, because I'm as blind as a.... blind thing.” -- Sarah G.
#4101
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
#1491
The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness. -- Wittgenstein.
The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness. -- Wittgenstein.
#5538
I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee. -- Flash Rosenberg
I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee. -- Flash Rosenberg
#9780
“A candour affected is a dagger concealed.” -- Marcus Aurelius
“A candour affected is a dagger concealed.” -- Marcus Aurelius
#4049
Middle age is that period of time between the last time you're carded for alcohol and the first time you're carded for your seniors discount. -- Phil Wallace, upon using his AARP card for the first time.
Middle age is that period of time between the last time you're carded for alcohol and the first time you're carded for your seniors discount. -- Phil Wallace, upon using his AARP card for the first time.
#6020
Is there ever a good reason to tax owls? -- Sarah, after Mr. Hartly used ‘owls per acre’ as an example of a tax that was unnecesary during the Renaissance.
Is there ever a good reason to tax owls? -- Sarah, after Mr. Hartly used ‘owls per acre’ as an example of a tax that was unnecesary during the Renaissance.
#7632
“It's curtains for you, Mighty Mouse! This gun is so futuristic that even I don't know how it works!” -- from Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse
“It's curtains for you, Mighty Mouse! This gun is so futuristic that even I don't know how it works!” -- from Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse
#10382
“Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do.” -- Oscar Wilde
“Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do.” -- Oscar Wilde
#151
There's a part of every living thing that wants to become itself: the tadpole into the frog, the chrysalis into the butterfly, a damaged human being into a whole one. That is spirituality -- Ellen Bass
There's a part of every living thing that wants to become itself: the tadpole into the frog, the chrysalis into the butterfly, a damaged human being into a whole one. That is spirituality -- Ellen Bass
#11312
I consider dogmatic belief and dogmatic denial very childish forms of conceit in a world of infinitely whirrling complexity. -- Robert Anton Wilson
I consider dogmatic belief and dogmatic denial very childish forms of conceit in a world of infinitely whirrling complexity. -- Robert Anton Wilson
#6976
To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today. -- Isaac Asimov
To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today. -- Isaac Asimov
#11321
Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; maturity is when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation.
Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; maturity is when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation.
#6202
“Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.” -- Alan J. Perlis
“Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.” -- Alan J. Perlis
#3186
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. -- Joseph Campbell
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. -- Joseph Campbell
#9216
Many people never stop to realize that a tree is a living thing, not that different from a tall, leafy dog that has roots and is very quiet. -- Jack Handey
Many people never stop to realize that a tree is a living thing, not that different from a tall, leafy dog that has roots and is very quiet. -- Jack Handey
#6593
“I wonder what they'd do if a whole herd of buffalo fell asleep on a road. Or a whole herd of anything for that matter. Except ants. If it were ants, they'd just run right over them. But the point is, buffalo sleep standing up.” -- Mary
“I wonder what they'd do if a whole herd of buffalo fell asleep on a road. Or a whole herd of anything for that matter. Except ants. If it were ants, they'd just run right over them. But the point is, buffalo sleep standing up.” -- Mary
#6799
Boys on my left side boys on my right side boys in the middle and your not here -- Tori
Boys on my left side boys on my right side boys in the middle and your not here -- Tori
#10535
This toe, “Ow!, it hurts”, but the other toe, “Not a Sausage”. -- Philip Savage, contemplating the difference between an infected toe and a healthy one.
This toe, “Ow!, it hurts”, but the other toe, “Not a Sausage”. -- Philip Savage, contemplating the difference between an infected toe and a healthy one.
#533
“I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress.” -- Jane Siberry
“I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress.” -- Jane Siberry
#10041
Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
#9487
Cinemuck, n.: The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters. -- Rich Hall, “Sniglets”
Cinemuck, n.: The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters. -- Rich Hall, “Sniglets”
#8322
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take. -- Adlai Stevenson
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take. -- Adlai Stevenson
#5163
I need my own pirate TV station. I wanna go to the moon. I wanna do this duet with Morrissey. I wanna keep making good rocking music that takes me. I just wanna be reduced to skin and bone. I want my songs to paralyze me. -- Black Francis
I need my own pirate TV station. I wanna go to the moon. I wanna do this duet with Morrissey. I wanna keep making good rocking music that takes me. I just wanna be reduced to skin and bone. I want my songs to paralyze me. -- Black Francis
#2218
Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses -- Lord Dewar
Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses -- Lord Dewar
#9603
Look alive. Here comes a buzzard. -- Pogo, character in “Pogo,” comic strip by Walt Kelly
Look alive. Here comes a buzzard. -- Pogo, character in “Pogo,” comic strip by Walt Kelly
#850
My goal in life is not to be quoted. -- Cheri
My goal in life is not to be quoted. -- Cheri
#3241
“If you can show me a man who can turn a washing machine into a bullet, then he's a better man than I am.” -- Alex, upon being told that manufacturers were using metal from washing machines to make bullets during the Civil War.
“If you can show me a man who can turn a washing machine into a bullet, then he's a better man than I am.” -- Alex, upon being told that manufacturers were using metal from washing machines to make bullets during the Civil War.
#1981
“A housecat giving birth to a lion? That's gonna be one pissed off housecat.” -- Adam, trying to explain why different species can't interbreed.
“A housecat giving birth to a lion? That's gonna be one pissed off housecat.” -- Adam, trying to explain why different species can't interbreed.
#631
Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies. -- Tim Robbins, “The Shawshank Redemption”
Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies. -- Tim Robbins, “The Shawshank Redemption”
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