Q2 Quotes Database
#6589
“It's psychological; they're psycho, and it's not logical.” -- Paul (trying to explain why the back rows of the audience always cough first when there's smoke onstage.)
“It's psychological; they're psycho, and it's not logical.” -- Paul (trying to explain why the back rows of the audience always cough first when there's smoke onstage.)
#3060
“We tend to idealize tolerance, then wonder why we find ourselves infested with losers and nut cases.” -- Patrick Nielsen Hayden
“We tend to idealize tolerance, then wonder why we find ourselves infested with losers and nut cases.” -- Patrick Nielsen Hayden
#375
“Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree.” --Profesoor W.
“Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree.” --Profesoor W.
#2943
“When in Rome, don't act all cocky because they'll get mad and kick you out.” -- Andy
“When in Rome, don't act all cocky because they'll get mad and kick you out.” -- Andy
#7609
“Has anybody ever seen a drama critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.” -- P. G. Wodehouse
“Has anybody ever seen a drama critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.” -- P. G. Wodehouse
#9262
Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say “Honk if ...”
Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say “Honk if ...”
#5945
Chastity... the most unnatural of all the sexual perversions. -- Aldous Huxley
Chastity... the most unnatural of all the sexual perversions. -- Aldous Huxley
#9560
The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
#833
“I expect nothing. I fear no one. I am free.” -- Nikos Kazantzakis
“I expect nothing. I fear no one. I am free.” -- Nikos Kazantzakis
#2986
Somehow, the world always affects you more than you affect it.
Somehow, the world always affects you more than you affect it.
#5922
My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character. -- Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself “the Charles Barkley of figure skating”, 1994
My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character. -- Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself “the Charles Barkley of figure skating”, 1994
#3690
I have had the opportunity to accomplish a great many things in life, but my education consistently gets in the way. -- Chris R.
I have had the opportunity to accomplish a great many things in life, but my education consistently gets in the way. -- Chris R.
#3771
An administration, like a machine, does not create. It carries on. -- Saint-Exupery
An administration, like a machine, does not create. It carries on. -- Saint-Exupery
#5316
The only difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad -- Salvador Dali
The only difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad -- Salvador Dali
#10779
Tang... the breakfast of Champions!! -- Aviry and Roxanne
Tang... the breakfast of Champions!! -- Aviry and Roxanne
#5870
“The drug user drowns in the same pool mystics swim in.” -- Joseph Campbell
“The drug user drowns in the same pool mystics swim in.” -- Joseph Campbell
#3991
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
#5926
Rule of the Great: When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
Rule of the Great: When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
#7640
“Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward; they may be beaten, but they may start a winning game.” -- Goethe
“Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward; they may be beaten, but they may start a winning game.” -- Goethe
#305
“Give me ambiguity or give me something else.” -- Seen on a bumper sticker
“Give me ambiguity or give me something else.” -- Seen on a bumper sticker
#8561
“When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” -- Sacha Guitry
“When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” -- Sacha Guitry
#873
“It is no longer my moral duty as a human being to achieve an integrated and unitary set of explanations for my thoughts and feelings.” -- Bronwyn Davies
“It is no longer my moral duty as a human being to achieve an integrated and unitary set of explanations for my thoughts and feelings.” -- Bronwyn Davies
#9387
“Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.” -- John Barrymore
“Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.” -- John Barrymore
#10768
None love the bearer of bad news. -- Sophocles
None love the bearer of bad news. -- Sophocles
#6085
Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. -- Jules Feiffer
Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. -- Jules Feiffer
#11035
Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take “Go to hell” for an answer.
Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take “Go to hell” for an answer.
#9994
I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't. -- Jules Renard
I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't. -- Jules Renard
#7095
What is politics, after all, but the compulsion to preside over property and make other peoples’ decisions for them? -- Tom Robbins, Skinny Legs and All
What is politics, after all, but the compulsion to preside over property and make other peoples’ decisions for them? -- Tom Robbins, Skinny Legs and All
#852
A friend is always good to have, but a lovers kiss is better than angles raining down on me -- Dave Matthews
A friend is always good to have, but a lovers kiss is better than angles raining down on me -- Dave Matthews
#11204
A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
#9067
The body is the shell of the soul, and dress the husk of that shell; but the husk often tells what the kernel is. -- Anonymous
The body is the shell of the soul, and dress the husk of that shell; but the husk often tells what the kernel is. -- Anonymous
#7436
Nick: I'm turning into a bearded fat guy. Abdul: You're growing a beard? Nick: No, man, it just grows!
Nick: I'm turning into a bearded fat guy. Abdul: You're growing a beard? Nick: No, man, it just grows!
#9614
No evil can happen to a good man. -- Plato
No evil can happen to a good man. -- Plato
#5785
Oh shut up and go eat a cat. -- Mr. Jaquess, German teacher
Oh shut up and go eat a cat. -- Mr. Jaquess, German teacher
#10277
You can't break eggs without making an omelet.
You can't break eggs without making an omelet.
#118
That's the way things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize how obvious they've been all along. -- Madeleine L'Engle, “The Arm of the Starfish”
That's the way things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize how obvious they've been all along. -- Madeleine L'Engle, “The Arm of the Starfish”
#6798
It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after a committee of sleep has worked on it. -- John Steinbeck
It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after a committee of sleep has worked on it. -- John Steinbeck
#3720
An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions. -- Robert A. Humphrey
An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions. -- Robert A. Humphrey
#1697
You are all you will ever have for certain. -- June Havoc
You are all you will ever have for certain. -- June Havoc
#8934
“The book that I want is not here. This is not where the book is that I want.” -- Jen
“The book that I want is not here. This is not where the book is that I want.” -- Jen
#1437
“The covers of this book are too far apart.” -- Ambrose Bierce
“The covers of this book are too far apart.” -- Ambrose Bierce
#10352
“I think it would be totally inappropriate for me to even contemplate what I am thinking about.” -- Don Mazankowski
“I think it would be totally inappropriate for me to even contemplate what I am thinking about.” -- Don Mazankowski
#8292
When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped. -- Anonymous
When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped. -- Anonymous
#6738
“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” -- Jackie Mason
“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” -- Jackie Mason
#3535
“Psst... What state is New Jersey in?” -- Overheard during a geography quiz.
“Psst... What state is New Jersey in?” -- Overheard during a geography quiz.
#6095
Mr. Goldenberg (teacher): Well, today's my thirty-first birthday... Danielle (student): Really? What's it like to be old? Mr. Goldenberg: I'll tell you when I get there. What's it like to be stupid?
Mr. Goldenberg (teacher): Well, today's my thirty-first birthday... Danielle (student): Really? What's it like to be old? Mr. Goldenberg: I'll tell you when I get there. What's it like to be stupid?
#7893
“The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” -- Harlan Ellison
“The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” -- Harlan Ellison
#9906
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” -- attributed to Albert Einstein
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” -- attributed to Albert Einstein
#5348
Your fortune stateth: “Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.” -- Marvin, “Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy”
Your fortune stateth: “Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.” -- Marvin, “Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy”
#10645
Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves. -- Thomas Carlyle
Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves. -- Thomas Carlyle
#9409
A CONS is an object which cares. -- Bernie Greenberg.
A CONS is an object which cares. -- Bernie Greenberg.
#7660
“Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you also have an obligation to be one.” -- Eleanor Roosevelt
“Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you also have an obligation to be one.” -- Eleanor Roosevelt
#6028
We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse. -- Rudyard Kipling
We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse. -- Rudyard Kipling
#10201
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
#9434
When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped. -- Marcel Achard
When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped. -- Marcel Achard
#11428
Be careful, there are people who're going to kidnap you on chat lines. -- Mrs. Rascoe, computers teacher
Be careful, there are people who're going to kidnap you on chat lines. -- Mrs. Rascoe, computers teacher
#5578
Your fortune stateth: You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
Your fortune stateth: You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
#2075
8-year-old Molly: Mommie I have a headache. Mommie: Oh, I'm sorry. Why do you have a headache? 8-year-old Molly: I don't know. It's winter. Maybe I am allergic to falling down in the snow.
8-year-old Molly: Mommie I have a headache. Mommie: Oh, I'm sorry. Why do you have a headache? 8-year-old Molly: I don't know. It's winter. Maybe I am allergic to falling down in the snow.
#7268
“Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.” -- Oscar Wilde
“Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.” -- Oscar Wilde
#1917
“Hey baby, wanna wrestle?” -- Preston's pick-up line.
“Hey baby, wanna wrestle?” -- Preston's pick-up line.
#641
“When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.” -- Benjamin Disraeli
“When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.” -- Benjamin Disraeli
#6895
“We owe most of what we know to about one hundred men. We owe most of what we have suffered to another hundred or so.” -- R. W. Dickson
“We owe most of what we know to about one hundred men. We owe most of what we have suffered to another hundred or so.” -- R. W. Dickson
#9019
Somebody ought to tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit every minute of every day. Do it, I say, whatever you want to do, do it now. -- Michael Landon
Somebody ought to tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit every minute of every day. Do it, I say, whatever you want to do, do it now. -- Michael Landon
#5220
“you quench my heart and quench my mind” -- Dave
“you quench my heart and quench my mind” -- Dave
#10455
He who is not contented with what he has, will not be contented with what he doesn't have. -- Socrates
He who is not contented with what he has, will not be contented with what he doesn't have. -- Socrates
#3078
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. -- Winston Churchill
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. -- Winston Churchill
#3288
RECOLLECT, v. To recall with additions something not previously known. -- Ambrose Bierce
RECOLLECT, v. To recall with additions something not previously known. -- Ambrose Bierce
#7572
“Are you a hermaphrodite table?” -- Daniel “Fluffy”
“Are you a hermaphrodite table?” -- Daniel “Fluffy”
#6486
“Bob hates you all” -- message on a sidewalk in Boston
“Bob hates you all” -- message on a sidewalk in Boston
#1582
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain
#7681
Where there is love there is life. -- Gandhi
Where there is love there is life. -- Gandhi
#6152
Your fortune stateth: You are going to have a new love affair.
Your fortune stateth: You are going to have a new love affair.
#10260
“What time is it?” “I don't know, it keeps changing.”
“What time is it?” “I don't know, it keeps changing.”
#1976
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit... unnatural? -- Bill Hicks
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit... unnatural? -- Bill Hicks
#384
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. -- Sir Winston Churchill, “My Early Life”
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. -- Sir Winston Churchill, “My Early Life”
#10477
“Trevor! Don't bite that man's pee-pee!” -- Trevor's Dad
“Trevor! Don't bite that man's pee-pee!” -- Trevor's Dad
#3515
Your fortune stateth: You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
Your fortune stateth: You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
#4955
There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered. -- Nelson Mandela, A Long Walk to Freedom
There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered. -- Nelson Mandela, A Long Walk to Freedom
#607
“Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.” -- Friedrich Nietzsche
“Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.” -- Friedrich Nietzsche
#796
“Goldilocks is about property rights. Little Red Riding Hood is a tale of seduction, rape, murder, and cannibalism.” -- Bernard J. Hibbits
“Goldilocks is about property rights. Little Red Riding Hood is a tale of seduction, rape, murder, and cannibalism.” -- Bernard J. Hibbits
#7602
The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you. -- Bette Midler
The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you. -- Bette Midler
#5772
Force it!!! If it breaks, well, it wasn't working anyway... No, don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
Force it!!! If it breaks, well, it wasn't working anyway... No, don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
#3189
I don't know why I love San Diego so much. Maybe because it's not LA. I love LA too, but in a different way. -- Roze
I don't know why I love San Diego so much. Maybe because it's not LA. I love LA too, but in a different way. -- Roze
#3975
Love is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever. -- Anonymous
Love is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever. -- Anonymous
#7084
Hatred is a feeling which leads to the extinction of values -- Jose Ortega y Gasset
Hatred is a feeling which leads to the extinction of values -- Jose Ortega y Gasset
#7035
“Omniscience is soooo boring!” -- Joel Martin McTague
“Omniscience is soooo boring!” -- Joel Martin McTague
#10248
I never say things like that, except for when I do. -- “Uncle” Ben
I never say things like that, except for when I do. -- “Uncle” Ben
#1587
There is a dignity in dying that doctors should not dare to deny. -- Anonymous
There is a dignity in dying that doctors should not dare to deny. -- Anonymous
#11507
-- Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
-- Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
#2526
Man endures pain as an undeserved punishment; woman accepts it as a natural heritage. -- Anonymous
Man endures pain as an undeserved punishment; woman accepts it as a natural heritage. -- Anonymous
#6165
Es brilig war. Die schlichte Toven Wirrten und wimmelten in Waben; Und aller-mumsige Burggoven Dir mohmen Rath ausgraben. -- Lewis Carrol, “Through the Looking Glass”
Es brilig war. Die schlichte Toven Wirrten und wimmelten in Waben; Und aller-mumsige Burggoven Dir mohmen Rath ausgraben. -- Lewis Carrol, “Through the Looking Glass”
#10067
Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff. -- Peter de Vries
Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff. -- Peter de Vries
#2235
“If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on TV telling you how to do your shit, then YOU DESERVE IT.” -- Frank Zappa
“If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on TV telling you how to do your shit, then YOU DESERVE IT.” -- Frank Zappa
#112
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
#5512
What is communication or language? A curse! Why? Don't ask me, because I don't know. Ask God. -- Vanesa Colon-Ortiz
What is communication or language? A curse! Why? Don't ask me, because I don't know. Ask God. -- Vanesa Colon-Ortiz
#843
I don't do drugs. I am drugs. -- Salvador Dali
I don't do drugs. I am drugs. -- Salvador Dali
#8599
Fats Loves Madelyn.
Fats Loves Madelyn.
#3319
“Now is the time for all good men to come to.” -- Walt Kelly
“Now is the time for all good men to come to.” -- Walt Kelly
#1356
If your professor wrote it, it's as near to the truth as you ever need to get. -- John Watson, University of Canterbury
If your professor wrote it, it's as near to the truth as you ever need to get. -- John Watson, University of Canterbury
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