Q2 Quotes Database

#9288
If it were weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all. -- Rodney Dangerfield

#5572
Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them. -- H. L. Mencken

#9131
“Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.” -- Oscar Wilde

#6947
Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.

#5519
“Traveling there was really boring so I headed for the ditch. It was a rough ride but I met more interesting people there.” -- Neil Young

#10344
“I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.” -- Michael McShane

#634
Who would want to steal a steering wheel? -- Katy commenting on an ad for “The Club”

#4105
BE ALOOF! (There has been a recent population explosion of lerts.)

#8665
Sex is God's joke on human beings. -- Bette Davis

#8371
May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts.

#10748
Because a daughter should never have a doll with a better figure than her mother. -- My mother Shalone's response when I asked her why I never had a Barbie as a young girl.

#11472
The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind. -- Albert Camus

#4904
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while. -- Anonymous

#4265
Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.

#10704
“You be John Smith, I'll be Pocahontas.” -- a 3 year-old to her babysitter's boyfriend

#3890
It is very simple to play as fool! You don't have to prove nothing. -- Catalin Sorescu

#5381
Where am I? Who am I? Am I? I

#4798
“Sometimes you are too insightful. I'm going to have to kill you now...” -- Julie to the insightful Jen

#6776
A day without sunshine is, you know, night. -- Shannon

#10354
“I think it would be totally inappropriate for me to even contemplate what I am thinking about.” -- Don Mazankowski

#2318
To the world you are just one persone, but to one person you could mean the world. -- Anonymous

#4321
It's a .88 magnum -- it goes through schools. -- Danny Vermin

#8531
The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.

#1937
“I don't feel drunk. I mean, you're holding me up and everything, but I can still talk clearly, I just can't walk. Am I talking? I don't think I'm drunk.” -- mumbled by Dan, when he was indeed drunk.

#9341
Art is an adventure into an unknown world, which can only be explored by those willing to take the risks. -- Mark Rothko

#9729
Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. -- Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil's Dictionary”

#6719
Greener's Law: Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.

#1938
“You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.” -- Olin Miller

#2436
The best computer is a man, and it's the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor. -- Wernher Von Braun

#2023
I don't suffer from insanity but enjoy every minute of it -- Edgar Allan Poe

#10995
Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. -- H. L. Mencken

#4201
“If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?” -- Garrison Keillor

#6837
A dead man cannot bite. -- Gnaeus Pompeius (Pompey)

#8457
Living Gods have a way of being less divine when their armies have left -- Minda Zheng

#9402
Stamp out philately.

#2880
Your fortune stateth: You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.

#9618
To do is to be. -- Voltaire

#3875
“Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition.” -- Samuel Pepys - English diarist

#3531
Jenkinson's Law: It won't work.

#11122
It's no coincidence that man's best friend cannot talk. -- Anonymous

#1641
Wine hath drowned more men than the sea. -- Thomas Fuller

#2077
“Dull - 8. To make dictionaries is dull work.” -- Samuel Johnson - British Lexicographer - Dictionary of the English Language

#2243
If you don't shut up, I'm going to light you on fire. -- Overheard at EDGEFEST

#10316
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

#6373
Dreams are free, but there's a small charge for alterations.

#8393
Johnson's First Law: When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient possible time.

#217
“...and always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said ‘A truck!‘...” -- Emo Philips

#4419
Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. -- T.S. Eliot

#2498
“Outside every fat man there is an even fatter man trying to close in.” -- Kimpley Amis - British novelist

#336
To know what to leave out and what to put in; just where and just how, ah, THAT is to have been educated in the knowledge of simplicity. -- Frank Lloyd Wright