Q2 Quotes Database
#1900
I have made an important discovery... that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. -- Oscar Wilde
I have made an important discovery... that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. -- Oscar Wilde
#7109
We have the power to bore people long after we are dead. -- Sinclair Lewis
We have the power to bore people long after we are dead. -- Sinclair Lewis
#662
“This isn't going to stop me from speeding.” -- Dianne, to the cop who pulled her over and wrote her a six-point ticket for doing 65mph in a 20mph school zone.
“This isn't going to stop me from speeding.” -- Dianne, to the cop who pulled her over and wrote her a six-point ticket for doing 65mph in a 20mph school zone.
#4234
Your fortune stateth: Reply hazy, ask again later.
Your fortune stateth: Reply hazy, ask again later.
#6554
It is easy when we are in prosperity to give advice to the afflicted. -- Aeschylus
It is easy when we are in prosperity to give advice to the afflicted. -- Aeschylus
#8664
Sex is God's joke on human beings. -- Bette Davis
Sex is God's joke on human beings. -- Bette Davis
#7797
That's the nature of research--you don't know what in hell you're doing. -- ‘Doc’ Edgerton
That's the nature of research--you don't know what in hell you're doing. -- ‘Doc’ Edgerton
#7087
The beauty of a pun is in the “Oy!” of the beholder.
The beauty of a pun is in the “Oy!” of the beholder.
#6640
“Hey guys... look at me... I smell funny!” -- Jaye (“Parky”) on IRC, where we could neither see nor smell him.
“Hey guys... look at me... I smell funny!” -- Jaye (“Parky”) on IRC, where we could neither see nor smell him.
#569
Look ere ye leap. -- John Heywood
Look ere ye leap. -- John Heywood
#8751
No kind of sensation is keener and more active than that of pain; its impressions are unmistakable. -- Marquis de Sade
No kind of sensation is keener and more active than that of pain; its impressions are unmistakable. -- Marquis de Sade
#3302
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
#1226
Do not count your chickens before they are hatched. -- Aesop
Do not count your chickens before they are hatched. -- Aesop
#2422
“Shut the door, Wales.” -- George Bryan “Bean” Brumwell - Said to the Prince of Wales
“Shut the door, Wales.” -- George Bryan “Bean” Brumwell - Said to the Prince of Wales
#6227
I don't want to hear my brilliant T-bone turn into a sausage. -- English professor talking about something (I have no clue what).
I don't want to hear my brilliant T-bone turn into a sausage. -- English professor talking about something (I have no clue what).
#11371
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. -- Henry David Thoreau
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. -- Henry David Thoreau
#10363
I want a Magic 9-ball. -- Matthew
I want a Magic 9-ball. -- Matthew
#7686
But anyway -- not to be vain or anything -- I really like the shape of my fingernails. -- Benji, at the theater, waiting for the movie to start.
But anyway -- not to be vain or anything -- I really like the shape of my fingernails. -- Benji, at the theater, waiting for the movie to start.
#5268
Yes, but which self do you want to be?
Yes, but which self do you want to be?
#9296
“No thanks, I am trying to give sex up!” -- Anthony Meek, to a girl he didn't know and had just tapped on the shoulder at the Melbourne Oktoberfest.
“No thanks, I am trying to give sex up!” -- Anthony Meek, to a girl he didn't know and had just tapped on the shoulder at the Melbourne Oktoberfest.
#1716
“For the world is hollow and pig brains are spewing out of her eyes.” -- My friend Selena's version of the Star Trek episode “For the world is hollow and I have touched the sky.”
“For the world is hollow and pig brains are spewing out of her eyes.” -- My friend Selena's version of the Star Trek episode “For the world is hollow and I have touched the sky.”
#3933
Try not to suck any dick on the way out of the parking lot! -- Dante
Try not to suck any dick on the way out of the parking lot! -- Dante
#9081
When love is gone, there's always justice. And when justice is gone, there's always force. And when force is gone, there's always Mom. Hi, Mom! -- Laurie Anderson
When love is gone, there's always justice. And when justice is gone, there's always force. And when force is gone, there's always Mom. Hi, Mom! -- Laurie Anderson
#1047
“Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.” -- Albert Camus
“Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.” -- Albert Camus
#7110
“History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.” -- Winston Churchill
“History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.” -- Winston Churchill
#1632
What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself. -- Abraham H. Maslow
What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself. -- Abraham H. Maslow
#11030
Mike D.: “You know, I have no ass.” Mike S.: “What??” [Bending down to examine other-Mike's posterior] Mike D.: “OK, technically I have that portion of the body referred to as an ass.”
Mike D.: “You know, I have no ass.” Mike S.: “What??” [Bending down to examine other-Mike's posterior] Mike D.: “OK, technically I have that portion of the body referred to as an ass.”
#4831
The worth of the state, in the long run, is the worth of the individuals composing it. -- John Stuart Mill
The worth of the state, in the long run, is the worth of the individuals composing it. -- John Stuart Mill
#139
If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where we are headed.
If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where we are headed.
#4676
“I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me. I quote John Lennon.He was the walrus. I could be the walrus, but I'd still have to bum rides off of people.” -- Ferris Beuller
“I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me. I quote John Lennon.He was the walrus. I could be the walrus, but I'd still have to bum rides off of people.” -- Ferris Beuller
#6071
“Why did you turn me into a bison, anyways?” -- Tristan
“Why did you turn me into a bison, anyways?” -- Tristan
#4886
“The trouble with us in America isn't that the poetry of life has turned to prose, but that it has turned to advertising copy.” -- Louis Kronenberger
“The trouble with us in America isn't that the poetry of life has turned to prose, but that it has turned to advertising copy.” -- Louis Kronenberger
#5740
“The UK was dropped by Germany on an atomic bomb” -- “Mr. Beans” in #emu
“The UK was dropped by Germany on an atomic bomb” -- “Mr. Beans” in #emu
#6310
Your fortune stateth: Don't Worry, Be Happy. -- Meher Baba
Your fortune stateth: Don't Worry, Be Happy. -- Meher Baba
#8542
“Do you believe in intuition?” “No, but I have a strange feeling that someday I will.”
“Do you believe in intuition?” “No, but I have a strange feeling that someday I will.”
#8644
Do people know you have freckles everywhere?
Do people know you have freckles everywhere?
#7600
The best book on programming for the layman is “Alice in Wonderland”; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
The best book on programming for the layman is “Alice in Wonderland”; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
#10240
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. -- Mae West
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. -- Mae West
#11361
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. -- Friedrich Nietzsche
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. -- Friedrich Nietzsche
#537
In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first. -- Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil's Dictionary”
In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first. -- Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil's Dictionary”
#1922
Don: What is this place? It looks like a dentist's office. Kristin: I don't know about you, but I'm not going to any dentist with a drive-thru.
Don: What is this place? It looks like a dentist's office. Kristin: I don't know about you, but I'm not going to any dentist with a drive-thru.
#9168
To keep our faces toward change, and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate, is strength undefeatable. -- Helen Keller
To keep our faces toward change, and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate, is strength undefeatable. -- Helen Keller
#10727
“This is outrage on a stick, man.” -- Colin D., while a bunch of us were making up crazy palindromes.
“This is outrage on a stick, man.” -- Colin D., while a bunch of us were making up crazy palindromes.
#10765
“Happiness is good health and a bad memory.” -- Ingrid Bergman
“Happiness is good health and a bad memory.” -- Ingrid Bergman
#10828
Sex is highly overated. -- Matt Rose, talking to girls in Sex Ed.
Sex is highly overated. -- Matt Rose, talking to girls in Sex Ed.
#11348
“I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.”
“I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.”
#6631
“Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class managemnt.” -- Senator Soaper
“Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class managemnt.” -- Senator Soaper
#961
The two most abundant things in the universe are Hydrogren and stupidity. -- Harlan Ellison
The two most abundant things in the universe are Hydrogren and stupidity. -- Harlan Ellison
#4201
“Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.’ -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.’ -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
#4204
“Why would you eat an egg?” -- Mary, during the Super Bowl
“Why would you eat an egg?” -- Mary, during the Super Bowl
#7010
Justice is incidental to law and order. -- J. Edgar Hoover
Justice is incidental to law and order. -- J. Edgar Hoover
#7449
You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about what's happening now. -- Lauren Bacall
You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about what's happening now. -- Lauren Bacall
#2215
“Guilt was the grease in which the wheels of the authority turned.” -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
“Guilt was the grease in which the wheels of the authority turned.” -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
#8396
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
#9443
All of humanity now has the option to “make it” successfully and sustainably, by virtue of our having minds, discovering principles and being able to employ these principles to do more with less. -- Buckminster Fuller
All of humanity now has the option to “make it” successfully and sustainably, by virtue of our having minds, discovering principles and being able to employ these principles to do more with less. -- Buckminster Fuller
#9362
I like the idea of an ancient race -- it makes a world feel so...lived in.
I like the idea of an ancient race -- it makes a world feel so...lived in.
#664
“Yeah, thrust all the responsibility on the woman why don't you?” -- Ellie, the only female in the room.
“Yeah, thrust all the responsibility on the woman why don't you?” -- Ellie, the only female in the room.
#4317
All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin’ in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin’ for rutabagas. -- Kingfish
All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin’ in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin’ for rutabagas. -- Kingfish
#5284
Mr. Seiler: “Ok, we'll call this point A, and this point B. What can we call this point?” Skip: “Big Bob?”
Mr. Seiler: “Ok, we'll call this point A, and this point B. What can we call this point?” Skip: “Big Bob?”
#9331
As long as there are kids who are pissed off and have no real way in venting out that anger, heavy metal will live on -- Ozzy Osbourne
As long as there are kids who are pissed off and have no real way in venting out that anger, heavy metal will live on -- Ozzy Osbourne
#6700
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all. -- Samuel Butler, “The Way of All Flesh”
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all. -- Samuel Butler, “The Way of All Flesh”
#8420
Everything should be built top-down, except this time.
Everything should be built top-down, except this time.
#10794
Whoever profits by the crime is guilty of it. -- Anonymous
Whoever profits by the crime is guilty of it. -- Anonymous
#7188
A little experience often upsets a lot of theory.
A little experience often upsets a lot of theory.
#8697
You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
#4648
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. -- Robert Frost
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. -- Robert Frost
#3264
“Cream soda's cream soda, ahole! Making red doesn't help!” -- Bill, a passionate cream soda-hater after being coaxed into trying a “red” version.
“Cream soda's cream soda, ahole! Making red doesn't help!” -- Bill, a passionate cream soda-hater after being coaxed into trying a “red” version.
#5722
“I'm interested in the fact that the less secure a man is, the more likely he is to have extreme prejudice.” -- Clint Eastwood
“I'm interested in the fact that the less secure a man is, the more likely he is to have extreme prejudice.” -- Clint Eastwood
#7262
Love is only the game that is not called on account of darkness. -- M. Hirschfield
Love is only the game that is not called on account of darkness. -- M. Hirschfield
#4346
A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it. An experiment is something everybody believes, except the person who made it. -- Albert Einstein, attributed
A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it. An experiment is something everybody believes, except the person who made it. -- Albert Einstein, attributed
#6229
Public office is the last refuge of a scoundrel. -- Boies Penrose, 1931
Public office is the last refuge of a scoundrel. -- Boies Penrose, 1931
#9223
“I think it would be cool on the last day of spring break to, you know, risk my life and maybe die.” -- Kathy, explaining her decision to ride the Skycoaster.
“I think it would be cool on the last day of spring break to, you know, risk my life and maybe die.” -- Kathy, explaining her decision to ride the Skycoaster.
#5700
He who laughs last didn't get it. -- Helen Giangregorio
He who laughs last didn't get it. -- Helen Giangregorio
#1411
“Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.” -- Herbert George Wells
“Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.” -- Herbert George Wells
#4671
“If a man stays away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.” -- Lord Darking - British Judge
“If a man stays away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.” -- Lord Darking - British Judge
#10973
The great trouble with most men is that those who have been educated become uneducated just as soon as they stop inquiring and investigating life and its problems for themselves. -- Newton Diehl Baker
The great trouble with most men is that those who have been educated become uneducated just as soon as they stop inquiring and investigating life and its problems for themselves. -- Newton Diehl Baker
#7710
Anything is possible on paper. -- Ron McAfee
Anything is possible on paper. -- Ron McAfee
#3491
I am not young enough to know everything. -- Oscar Wilde
I am not young enough to know everything. -- Oscar Wilde
#9187
Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb: Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a hammer or get a splinter in it.
Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb: Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a hammer or get a splinter in it.
#8406
Chicago, n.: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
Chicago, n.: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
#11082
“Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.” -- A.H. Weiler
“Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.” -- A.H. Weiler
#2005
Your fortune stateth: You look tired.
Your fortune stateth: You look tired.
#7361
If it's illegal to pay someone for sex, but legal to pay someone to star in an X-rated movie, does that mean it's legal to pay for sex as long as you film it? -- Tom
If it's illegal to pay someone for sex, but legal to pay someone to star in an X-rated movie, does that mean it's legal to pay for sex as long as you film it? -- Tom
#1050
For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
#747
What's done to children, they will do to society. -- Dr. Karl Menninger
What's done to children, they will do to society. -- Dr. Karl Menninger
#10492
I go by many names, under many skies, doing many things, yet am always at the same place. I eat up its power, reveling in anguish. I love, I lie, I am only a human. This is my life, no trespassing. Please. -- The Lord Greycloak
I go by many names, under many skies, doing many things, yet am always at the same place. I eat up its power, reveling in anguish. I love, I lie, I am only a human. This is my life, no trespassing. Please. -- The Lord Greycloak
#1563
Men of genius have a way utterly peculiar to themselves of seeing things. -- Eugene Delacroix
Men of genius have a way utterly peculiar to themselves of seeing things. -- Eugene Delacroix
#5383
“Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.” -- Lord Chesterfield
“Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.” -- Lord Chesterfield
#2490
Ryan: Hey Forrest, I'll pay you a buck if you go get me a bowl of ice cream. Forrest: I'll pay you a buck if you get it yourself. -- Ryan and Forrest demonstrating how television is more important than movement.
Ryan: Hey Forrest, I'll pay you a buck if you go get me a bowl of ice cream. Forrest: I'll pay you a buck if you get it yourself. -- Ryan and Forrest demonstrating how television is more important than movement.
#2877
Character is a victory, not a gift. -- Anonymous
Character is a victory, not a gift. -- Anonymous
#2556
Once you had to be a genius to make works of art. Now you have to be a genius to understand them. -- Roy Emmins
Once you had to be a genius to make works of art. Now you have to be a genius to understand them. -- Roy Emmins
#3643
Bob M.: Quiet, you freak check. Andy Z.: What? That doesn't make any sense. Bob M.: Sure it does. There can be such a thing as a freak check. Andy Z: Yeah, but you can't be a freak check!
Bob M.: Quiet, you freak check. Andy Z.: What? That doesn't make any sense. Bob M.: Sure it does. There can be such a thing as a freak check. Andy Z: Yeah, but you can't be a freak check!
#5187
No no, that's MEAN. -- 15 year old Sharie, upon hearing someone insult someone else.
No no, that's MEAN. -- 15 year old Sharie, upon hearing someone insult someone else.
#11479
Everyone wants to understand painting. Why is there no attempt to understand the song of the birds? -- Pablo Picasso
Everyone wants to understand painting. Why is there no attempt to understand the song of the birds? -- Pablo Picasso
#209
Your fortune stateth: Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
Your fortune stateth: Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
#577
You may be hungry soon; order a takeout now. -- from Benji's latest fortune cookie
You may be hungry soon; order a takeout now. -- from Benji's latest fortune cookie
#5398
Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by children. -- Anonymous
Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by children. -- Anonymous
#4467
There is safety in numbers. [Lat., Defendit numerus.] -- Anonymous
There is safety in numbers. [Lat., Defendit numerus.] -- Anonymous
#3359
System/3! System/3! See how it runs! See how it runs! Its monitor loses so totally! It runs all its programs in RPG! It's made by our favorite monopoly! System/3!
System/3! System/3! See how it runs! See how it runs! Its monitor loses so totally! It runs all its programs in RPG! It's made by our favorite monopoly! System/3!
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