Q2 Quotes Database
#10655
No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day. -- Nietzsche
No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day. -- Nietzsche
#9897
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. -- Woody Allen
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. -- Woody Allen
#10396
“The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion.” -- George Washington
“The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion.” -- George Washington
#8925
When you have shot and killed a man you have in some measure clarified your attitude toward him. You have given a definite answer to a definite problem. For better or worse you have acted decisively. In a way, the next move is up to him. -- R. A. Lafferty
When you have shot and killed a man you have in some measure clarified your attitude toward him. You have given a definite answer to a definite problem. For better or worse you have acted decisively. In a way, the next move is up to him. -- R. A. Lafferty
#2342
Your fortune stateth: Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
Your fortune stateth: Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
#3507
Man has himself as his only friend and his only enemy. -- Indian Proverb
Man has himself as his only friend and his only enemy. -- Indian Proverb
#11211
“Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.” -- Jules de Gaultier
“Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.” -- Jules de Gaultier
#4074
“What's the difference between a Dice Clay concert and a Klan rally? Nothing. Trick question.” -- Bob Goldthwait
“What's the difference between a Dice Clay concert and a Klan rally? Nothing. Trick question.” -- Bob Goldthwait
#10402
Does nobody understand? -- James Joyce
Does nobody understand? -- James Joyce
#4852
“I never watch Sesame Street. I know most of that stuff.” -- Tracie, college sophomore.
“I never watch Sesame Street. I know most of that stuff.” -- Tracie, college sophomore.
#7231
“I didn't hit my head!” -- the first thing out of Ken's mouth after falling on stairs and hitting his head
“I didn't hit my head!” -- the first thing out of Ken's mouth after falling on stairs and hitting his head
#6165
Es brilig war. Die schlichte Toven Wirrten und wimmelten in Waben; Und aller-mumsige Burggoven Dir mohmen Rath ausgraben. -- Lewis Carrol, “Through the Looking Glass”
Es brilig war. Die schlichte Toven Wirrten und wimmelten in Waben; Und aller-mumsige Burggoven Dir mohmen Rath ausgraben. -- Lewis Carrol, “Through the Looking Glass”
#385
Why didn't Leonardo DiCaprio ever make educational science movies? -- Allyson, complaining about the monotonous films we have to watch in science
Why didn't Leonardo DiCaprio ever make educational science movies? -- Allyson, complaining about the monotonous films we have to watch in science
#2150
“The thing is, you could shoot 15 people a day and never keep up with the demand.” -- Jim, watching the local news.
“The thing is, you could shoot 15 people a day and never keep up with the demand.” -- Jim, watching the local news.
#7927
Beer before liquor never been sicker, liquor before beer have no fear. -- Unknown
Beer before liquor never been sicker, liquor before beer have no fear. -- Unknown
#5947
I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilerating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there? -- -Randall
I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilerating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there? -- -Randall
#134
Emily: “Asher. That's such a cool name! What's your last name?” Asher: “Pimplefart.” Emily: “Oh... wow.”
Emily: “Asher. That's such a cool name! What's your last name?” Asher: “Pimplefart.” Emily: “Oh... wow.”
#10843
“Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.” -- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London
“Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.” -- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London
#3411
“Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out.” -- Chekhov
“Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out.” -- Chekhov
#1026
“Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one.” -- Abbott Joseph Liebling
“Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one.” -- Abbott Joseph Liebling
#6742
“Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.” -- Frank L. Visco, How to Write Good
“Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.” -- Frank L. Visco, How to Write Good
#5319
Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese -- National Lampoon, “Deteriorada”
Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese -- National Lampoon, “Deteriorada”
#4281
“I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.” -- George Bernard Shaw
“I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.” -- George Bernard Shaw
#1990
I don't care if they eat me alive, I've got better things to do then survive -- Ani Difranco
I don't care if they eat me alive, I've got better things to do then survive -- Ani Difranco
#8002
“Its always fun and games until someone gets hurt, then it's just fun.” -- Brant Schroeder
“Its always fun and games until someone gets hurt, then it's just fun.” -- Brant Schroeder
#8806
If one can't be a great artist or a great soldier, the next best thing is to be a great criminal. -- Edgar Jepson and Maurice Leblanc, “Arsene Lupin”
If one can't be a great artist or a great soldier, the next best thing is to be a great criminal. -- Edgar Jepson and Maurice Leblanc, “Arsene Lupin”
#9098
“In each of us are places where we have never gone. Only by pressing the limits do you ever find them.” -- Dr. Joyce Brothers
“In each of us are places where we have never gone. Only by pressing the limits do you ever find them.” -- Dr. Joyce Brothers
#3143
“I'd feel a lot better if there weren't M&M's in my ear.” -- Anthony
“I'd feel a lot better if there weren't M&M's in my ear.” -- Anthony
#9290
Creativity arises out of the tension between spontaneity and limitations, the latter (like the river banks) forcing the spontaneity into the various forms which are essential to the work of art or poem. -- Rollo May, “The Courage to Create”
Creativity arises out of the tension between spontaneity and limitations, the latter (like the river banks) forcing the spontaneity into the various forms which are essential to the work of art or poem. -- Rollo May, “The Courage to Create”
#11177
I am the Devil! And I am here to do the Devil's business. -- Tex Watson (Manson Family)
I am the Devil! And I am here to do the Devil's business. -- Tex Watson (Manson Family)
#10777
How untasteful can you get?
How untasteful can you get?
#11272
The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
#6315
“Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.” -- Anonymous
“Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.” -- Anonymous
#4247
There is always something new out of Africa. -- Gaius Plinius Secundus
There is always something new out of Africa. -- Gaius Plinius Secundus
#9400
Stamp out philately.
Stamp out philately.
#3297
Yeah, I knew it was a person, because silverware doesn't go: “DOH!” -- Dustin T. Miller
Yeah, I knew it was a person, because silverware doesn't go: “DOH!” -- Dustin T. Miller
#4513
“I'd rather be rich than stupid.” -- Jack Handy
“I'd rather be rich than stupid.” -- Jack Handy
#11103
“I have my wedding to prepare, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped.” -- Prince Humperdink, Princess Bride
“I have my wedding to prepare, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped.” -- Prince Humperdink, Princess Bride
#3388
To reprove small faults within due vehemence, is as absurd as if a man should take a great hammer to kill a fly on his friend's forehead. -- Anonymous
To reprove small faults within due vehemence, is as absurd as if a man should take a great hammer to kill a fly on his friend's forehead. -- Anonymous
#2242
It would be just like programmers to shorten ‘the year 2000 problem’ to ‘Y2K’-- exactly the kind of thinking that created this situation in the first place. -- Steven C. Meyer
It would be just like programmers to shorten ‘the year 2000 problem’ to ‘Y2K’-- exactly the kind of thinking that created this situation in the first place. -- Steven C. Meyer
#1749
...as hollow as the “o” in god... -- Marilyn Manson
...as hollow as the “o” in god... -- Marilyn Manson
#4736
Your fortune stateth: Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
Your fortune stateth: Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
#9710
“Can anyone explain why Matthew's head is radioactive?” -- Mr. Jones, GSCE Chemistry
“Can anyone explain why Matthew's head is radioactive?” -- Mr. Jones, GSCE Chemistry
#8181
Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters. -- Margaret Halsey
Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters. -- Margaret Halsey
#5872
The University of California Bears announced the signing of Reggie Philbin to a letter of intent to attend Cal next Fall. Philbin is said to make up for no talent by cheating well. Says Philbin of his decision to attend Cal, “I'm in it for the free ride.”
The University of California Bears announced the signing of Reggie Philbin to a letter of intent to attend Cal next Fall. Philbin is said to make up for no talent by cheating well. Says Philbin of his decision to attend Cal, “I'm in it for the free ride.”
#9424
Your fortune stateth: You will step on the night soil of many countries.
Your fortune stateth: You will step on the night soil of many countries.
#2589
“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.” -- Peter F. Drucker
“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.” -- Peter F. Drucker
#6320
For every virtue that exists there's a corresponding derogatory term used by those who don't share it. -- Keith Ammann
For every virtue that exists there's a corresponding derogatory term used by those who don't share it. -- Keith Ammann
#2415
“He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...”
“He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...”
#1023
The only reward of virtue is virtue. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The only reward of virtue is virtue. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
#9483
There are always two people in every picture: the photographer and the viewer. -- Ansel Adams
There are always two people in every picture: the photographer and the viewer. -- Ansel Adams
#4029
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein -- it rejects it. -- P. Medawar
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein -- it rejects it. -- P. Medawar
#210
Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing.
Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing.
#6834
I shut my eyes in order to see. -- Paul Gauguin
I shut my eyes in order to see. -- Paul Gauguin
#4759
If life's a flower, then I'm a pigeon. -- Shayma
If life's a flower, then I'm a pigeon. -- Shayma
#2662
Zack: “Here smell my backpack -- it smells like gutter water.” Dan: “No, I think I'll pass on that offer.”
Zack: “Here smell my backpack -- it smells like gutter water.” Dan: “No, I think I'll pass on that offer.”
#5831
You should have seen that sunrise, with your own eyes; it brought me back to life.....You'll be with me next time, I go outside. No more 3x5's -- John Mayer
You should have seen that sunrise, with your own eyes; it brought me back to life.....You'll be with me next time, I go outside. No more 3x5's -- John Mayer
#7064
“Auuuggghhhh! It's that stupid coco-jambo song again. Every time I hear it it makes me wanna run around and punch myself in the head to try and drown it out! That, or change the station.” -- “Uncle” Ben
“Auuuggghhhh! It's that stupid coco-jambo song again. Every time I hear it it makes me wanna run around and punch myself in the head to try and drown it out! That, or change the station.” -- “Uncle” Ben
#1563
Men of genius have a way utterly peculiar to themselves of seeing things. -- Eugene Delacroix
Men of genius have a way utterly peculiar to themselves of seeing things. -- Eugene Delacroix
#7389
I've just seen the most amazing thing in the garden! Neil biffed himself in the face with a frying pan! -- Rick
I've just seen the most amazing thing in the garden! Neil biffed himself in the face with a frying pan! -- Rick
#6248
“The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” -- Samuel Johnson
“The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” -- Samuel Johnson
#5442
“Fascism in America will attempt to advance under the banner of Americanism and anti-Fascism.” -- Georgi Dimitrov
“Fascism in America will attempt to advance under the banner of Americanism and anti-Fascism.” -- Georgi Dimitrov
#5767
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
#643
“Patriotism is a pernicious, psychopathic form of idiocy.” -- George Bernard Shaw
“Patriotism is a pernicious, psychopathic form of idiocy.” -- George Bernard Shaw
#8157
Life is a giant ball of stress with powder puffs of stressed compactness. -- Lisa
Life is a giant ball of stress with powder puffs of stressed compactness. -- Lisa
#9639
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. -- Lucille S. Harper
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. -- Lucille S. Harper
#5261
Safety Third.
Safety Third.
#1456
I'm stupid; that's my role here. -- Jeff
I'm stupid; that's my role here. -- Jeff
#10336
Choose the life that is most useful, and habit will make it the most agreeable. -- Francis Bacon
Choose the life that is most useful, and habit will make it the most agreeable. -- Francis Bacon
#8643
There are flowers everywhere, for those who bother to look. -- Henri Matisse
There are flowers everywhere, for those who bother to look. -- Henri Matisse
#4572
It's the thought, if any, that counts!
It's the thought, if any, that counts!
#922
There's something slurpy in your shoulders. -- Cheri
There's something slurpy in your shoulders. -- Cheri
#1048
He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news. -- Bertolt Brecht
He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news. -- Bertolt Brecht
#9318
“Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare.” -- Blair Houghton
“Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare.” -- Blair Houghton
#1315
A homeowner's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a weekend for?
A homeowner's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a weekend for?
#9871
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
#2756
“Always behave like a duck--keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath.” -- Jacob Braude
“Always behave like a duck--keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath.” -- Jacob Braude
#6240
“Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy.” -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
“Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy.” -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
#3403
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone.... but they've always worked for me. -- Hunter S. Thompson
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone.... but they've always worked for me. -- Hunter S. Thompson
#7761
SELFISH, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others. -- Ambrose Bierce
SELFISH, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others. -- Ambrose Bierce
#5109
So as William felt he was about to croak, he said “Spritz me!” -- professer acting out William the Conqueror's deathbed baptism.
So as William felt he was about to croak, he said “Spritz me!” -- professer acting out William the Conqueror's deathbed baptism.
#5040
“I am one of those who like to stay late at the cafe,” the loder waitor said. “With all those who do not want to go to bed. With all those who need a light for the night.” -- Ernest Hemingway, “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place”
“I am one of those who like to stay late at the cafe,” the loder waitor said. “With all those who do not want to go to bed. With all those who need a light for the night.” -- Ernest Hemingway, “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place”
#5493
Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches. I wish I could. It's like having a little pet for your face. -- Anita Wise
Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches. I wish I could. It's like having a little pet for your face. -- Anita Wise
#11444
I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is - I could be just as proud for half the money. -- Arthur Godfrey
I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is - I could be just as proud for half the money. -- Arthur Godfrey
#6058
Proof by eminent authority: I saw Karp in the elevator and he said it was probably NP-complete.
Proof by eminent authority: I saw Karp in the elevator and he said it was probably NP-complete.
#868
Every positive value has its price in negative terms...The genius of Einstein leads to Hiroshima. -- Pablo Picasso
Every positive value has its price in negative terms...The genius of Einstein leads to Hiroshima. -- Pablo Picasso
#7144
“Okay, people, one last time. It's not Shakesphere, it's not Shakespeer, it's Shakespeare. And Macbeth is NOT a burger.” -- my English prof
“Okay, people, one last time. It's not Shakesphere, it's not Shakespeer, it's Shakespeare. And Macbeth is NOT a burger.” -- my English prof
#902
Thinking is another attribute of the soul; and here I discover what properly belongs to myself. This alone is inseparable from me. I am--I exist: this is certain; -- Rene Descartes, “Discourse on Method and the Meditations, Meditation 2”
Thinking is another attribute of the soul; and here I discover what properly belongs to myself. This alone is inseparable from me. I am--I exist: this is certain; -- Rene Descartes, “Discourse on Method and the Meditations, Meditation 2”
#8241
Ellie: “You weren't even BORN when I was 2, you don't know.” Andrew: “Yeah, well I was a little egg with arms and legs, and I looked out of Mommy's bellybutton and watched you eat blue jean pulp.”
Ellie: “You weren't even BORN when I was 2, you don't know.” Andrew: “Yeah, well I was a little egg with arms and legs, and I looked out of Mommy's bellybutton and watched you eat blue jean pulp.”
#8563
“You learn something new every day. Actually, you learn something old every day. Just because you just learned it, doesn't mean it's new. Other people already knew it.” -- Holley
“You learn something new every day. Actually, you learn something old every day. Just because you just learned it, doesn't mean it's new. Other people already knew it.” -- Holley
#4648
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. -- Robert Frost
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. -- Robert Frost
#4718
“Well, what the hell'd you expect, pushing the button marked ‘Do Not Press’?” -- Daniel “Fluffy”
“Well, what the hell'd you expect, pushing the button marked ‘Do Not Press’?” -- Daniel “Fluffy”
#4252
The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. -- Hans Hofmann
The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. -- Hans Hofmann
#6829
A father gave his teen-age daughter an untrained pedigreed pup for her birthday. An hour later, when wandered through the house, he found her looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen. “My pup,” she murmured sadly, “runneth over.”
A father gave his teen-age daughter an untrained pedigreed pup for her birthday. An hour later, when wandered through the house, he found her looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen. “My pup,” she murmured sadly, “runneth over.”
#10694
Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up the on roof and gets stuck.
Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up the on roof and gets stuck.
#8030
Cute Waitress at Perkins: Enjoy your food! Drew: You too!
Cute Waitress at Perkins: Enjoy your food! Drew: You too!
#7228
“Wagner's music is better than it sounds.” -- Mark Twain
“Wagner's music is better than it sounds.” -- Mark Twain
#5928
“Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a chicken to vote for Colonel Sanders.” -- Bob Inglis, 1995
“Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a chicken to vote for Colonel Sanders.” -- Bob Inglis, 1995
#5098
A small family is soon provided for. -- English Proverb
A small family is soon provided for. -- English Proverb
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